I have this family of the Venezuelan Turpials that live on my farm and visit my feeding stations. They sing their beautiful songs when they land at the bird feeding tables that hold bananas. I stop whatever I am doing to watch them. Today the mother Turpial was feeding her baby, who is almost as big as she is. I feel a contentment from the sight of the juvenile Turpial reaching for a bite of banana. After many years of struggle, I have found peace, often thinking how lucky I am. Moments like these keep my heart filled with happiness. It seemed I couldn’t quite grasp happiness until recently. I am living a life that I love.
Many years after my daughter was murdered, I lived life with dread as background noise in my thoughts. An uneasiness that I have finally been able to let go of. Fear can take center stage if you let it. Never let angst crush your dreams. Do what others say you can’t do, and you will never allow anyone or anything to derail your goals. Nor will you tolerate negative behavior or let anyone be around you who is thoughtless, demeaning, or rude. Finally, your past is your past. It is gone now, something that has already happened. Leave it behind where it belongs.
Fear can encompass many things in our lives. There are too many reasons we have doubt living inside of us. Perhaps, it will cost too much money to relocate or start a business. Maybe we fear what others might think. We have concerns about doing what we want because we risk losing special people in our lives. We feel guilt about uprooting ourselves from whatever is causing us stress and being free to decide solely on our own needs. We allow others to manipulate us without reason. We are our masters, and no one else is in control. Once we can truly grasp this, then we can sour into a new and delightful world that allows others to join in if they want to. Remember, fear is just a feeling; it is not a fact.
Villa Migelita Ecolodge is an opportunity that I didn’t fully appreciate, yet now I do. Nature is healing. I have lived in Colombia for many years, never realizing nor appreciating what I have accomplished! Again, because of those dreaded and worrisome thoughts that can plague me. I became an entrepreneur and didn’t understand what I did until recently. I have survived so much; still, I am a business in another country now thriving again. Suddenly, I trust the magic that I live in and feel secure to start something new. This realization came from a slow and steady return to normal after the horrible past year when the world shut down. I didn’t appreciate returning to life as before because I allowed the year of the pandemic to influence my thinking. I invited a friend to visit when I had started to become busy again. She took advantage of me. She used me. She also used my son, and she used my employee. I lost a friend but gained my confidence back along with a determination to succeed more than I already had. I asked her to leave, and I took a much-needed vacation with my son. I enjoyed the holiday and discovered ideas for improving my hotel!
My business has evolved. It is now less of me planning everything for my guests and more of my guests coming to experience the beauty of my nature retreat. Glamping has become a worldwide pastime. I am in the process of beginning this new phase at my Ecolodge. I am going to build a tiny house of glass overlooking the Valle del Cauca. Hopefully, this endeavor will lead to more tiny glamping houses—a new beginning at Villa Migelita Ecolodge. I spent many years camping in the summers with my children now my experiences will become part of my plans to improve my business. Never assume that life will continue to be the same way. Life changes every second. We are in control of every moment of our lives. When I started thinking about the tiny house, I would look at pictures on the internet. Slowly, I put a plan in place. I did it all by myself, just like I opened a hotel, and now it will happen.
My joy is that my son living in Colombia since 2019, is learning Spanish and a new culture. He doesn’t have the life of an American here; he has the life of a Colombian. There is no immediate gratification of fast food or a supermarket with everything he might need across the street. We cook at home and use the garden. He knows the difference between cilantro and parsley. He picks lettuce for salads; he refills the bird feeding stations. He enjoys the tame hummingbirds that we hand feed. He is learning the tourist business, the art of being friendly with the guests, and the satisfaction of making friends worldwide. He observes and knows with the eye of a young person. We have many guests from different walks of life, and all have a love of nature in common. When I envision my business in ten years, my son is front and center. He will carry on with what I have started.
My son rescued a Western Emerald hummingbird in August, and it stayed to live at the Villa. Often, it follows me into the living room when the feeders are empty. This tiny hummingbird has become part of the experience of Villa Migelita Ecolodge. He is always the first to drink from a hand feeder, and he delights everyone. I have yet to give him a name. I would love suggestions in the comments below! He is one of the many miracles that have occurred in the years following my daughter’s death. I have found that these phenomenons move me away from uncertainty, gradually and consistently. Grief can be devasting at first, but it can also be a healthy way to move forward and live well. I acknowledge that grief is part of me, a healthy part that reminds me to live each day to the fullest. I live what I love.