My morning is about my animals. I have dogs, cats, a parrot and two ducks. They are always waiting for me to come down in the morning to feed them. They have a routine, and that routine is part of me. I never sleep in since my daughter passed away, and it is with great pleasure when I look outside and see them waiting. My dogs have their own house with their dog beds to sleep in at night. My parrot has a cage with the door always open. All my animals live a free life. My ducks are even there in the morning reminding me they need corn in their bowl. They are all part of my soul here at Villa Migelita. It is delightful for my guests to sit and have breakfast while my parrot Luci sits outside on the window looking in at us. She is quite social and puts on quite a show for everyone who visits. She loves to be part of everything.
Morning and Luci is watching
I see you
Luci wanders and sits waiting
Luci, Poco and Corazon
My mornings are my favorite time of day. I feel the vibrancy of all life and the Universe through the love of my pets. They uplift me, they give me my will to make myself a better person. I try with every part of my being to live up to what they share with me, unconditional love. Nature and all that it offers is part of my spirit. Nature and animals define me. I live to feel their love. With that I sign off with the requisite picture of the sunrise, but one that is amazing. A hummingbird in the sky.
Last night I fell asleep looking at the stars. I slept in my bedroom surrounded by glass walls feeling suspended in the air, floating in the space of unlimited dark sky while the solar system twinkles with life. My thoughts twirled in my head as I looked out at the dark mountains that have trees that look like tiny people walking in line on the top of the mountain. These trees always remind me of myself walking along a path of single-minded determination to make my life a willful dedication to become a person that lives life to experience, touch, and see the beauty that life offers. I try to wake up every day with an attitude of positivity and hope. Hope for a future that brings me a measure of happiness that was lost with the death of my daughter. I want to show the world that from total despair comes the emergence and ability to draw from our inner strength. Daylight brings new light and I am surrounded by the songs of a thousand birds singing in unison, different species all awaking with dawn to warble their songs as I look out from my bed to see them flying from tree to tree. My joy is immeasurable. It is with sadness I feel this joy, as I would not be here in Colombia without the loss of a life along with the devastation it brought to my soul. I think in moments like these my daughter is sharing my world and thoughts, as if she somehow lives inside of me now and pushes me from within to keep working towards this elusive future that I am building. These are the moments of blessedness that I have lived my life in pursuit of. I stretch, and look around my newly renovated bedroom, feeling the crisp air of the mountains flow through the open windows and close my eyes and just listen to the sounds of nature. Sometimes I am not sure what I feel, the space I occupy is so beautiful and serene, the energy so peaceful, I never thought I would see this day or feel a measure of contentment again in my life, but I do. It is there deep within me fighting for a chance to break free if only I would let it happen.
How do I allow myself to live with calm tranquility when my daughter was so young and taken from this world to soon? These thoughts flow freely with my eyes closed. Instead of really appreciating my surroundings, I’m like a bystander staring from afar, noting the look of a house that could be one I’ve seen in a magazine. Surely, this not my house? Why do I feel detachment? Is it possible I will ever allow myself to really appreciate what I have achieved? I have a huge hole inside of me that may stay until I leave this world. I promise myself I will work on these innermost thoughts that plaque me. I drift off to a slumber not quite sleep, but a meditative state sending my messages to the Universe.
The sound of my new puppy crying brings me back to reality. She is my latest rescue dog. I wasn’t looking for her, but could not refuse when I was told that she was going to be put to the streets if someone did not adopt her. I couldn’t let this happen as I lost my dog here on the streets last year, and even though I can’t save every animal if given an opportunity to save a life I will. I realize as she cries to get out of her kennel that perhaps this is my calling, part of my destiny and life plan. She brought me a gift I did not seek. She has shown me that I am not unworthy of blessings, but should count them. I’m surprised by my revelation in that moment. By helping the discarded I’m helping myself. She brings with her the playfulness only a new puppy can bring, and it is contagious. She greets me with such unconditional love when I hold her first thing in the morning, a love only an animal can share without preconditions. In her presence I look around my gorgeous surroundings with a new perspective. Perhaps I am worthy of these blessings. With that thought I walk with her to the yard and let her run free and watch as she takes in her new world all the while accepting this new life without question and only living for this moment in time. Her name is Beeja which means the beginning or origin of the soul in Hindu. Is it possible her name and spirit will allow my soul to emerge and let go of past regrets? I am going to try to be like her, to enjoy each moment without harboring doubts and worries that tend to find their way into my mind. Life is short, the suddenness of death brings this lesson too close for all that have experienced great tragedy. However, the life of a little puppy brings a new beginning along with only the happiness they can show with their exuberant energy. I like the name Beeja, it fits her and gives me a reason to count my blessings of which I have many.
With great thanks I send warm regards to my friend Jo who picked the name of Beeja through a contest I had on my FB page Villa Migelita. I believe nothing is a coincidence and Beeja will help my soul emerge. Please follow and like my page http://www.facebook.com/VillaMigelita to share my continuing journey.