Give children a camera and they give you beautiful pictures. Pictures of such concentration that you find yourself stunned while admiring them later. Contemplating their photos you will get a glimpse inside of their souls. There is no pretense, no calculation, just trying to do their very best. When you give them trust and confidence in their abilities, children go out of their way to show you what they can achieve. I love to hand my camera to my granddaughter or to Nicole who is one of Jazmin’s twins. I tell them be super careful, and don’t touch the lens. They take instruction so seriously. My heart smiles a lot when I see them experience taking photo’s from a professional camera. They catch on so fast, it really is wonderful to watch.
I had so much time in Cali, Colombia while recovering from my hip surgery you would think I would have finished my book. Yet, I didn’t even finish a chapter. I was uncomfortable from the heat, and I was uncomfortable from the recovery process, and I was uncomfortable with the unpleasant memories I was writing down. I was longing for my own home, living in peace at Villa Migelita Ecolodge. Let’s just say I had a bit of writer’s block. I anxiously counted down the days until I would be back where I have my tranquility. A serenity that keeps me grounded since Misha was murdered. My place of nature and the lovely hummingbirds I watch while writing. I didn’t realize how much I need my Villa and my surroundings to find the place inside of me to write! How much I love to hear Spanish songs playing as cool breezes flow through my home, always open and and filled with bright light, even when it is raining.
My Jazmin is my person. She is my rock, it took a long time to get to the place I am at here in Colombia. I have done something really difficult, I will share all in my book. It is not easy to leave your own country and move somewhere else. I have been through hardships, but I still would never change a thing. I love it where I live. I am where I should be. I have learned an important lesson. Family is not always blood. Family can be people who find you, or you find them. The children in the countryside of Colombia love to play like I did when growing up. The twins and Jazmin live with me. If I have a guests the twins can always go to their aunt’s home, usually no one wants that.
My children spent their summers in the Great Smoky Mountains and had a way of life when they were not in school to discover hiking and nature exactly like I live here in Colombia. I always think Misha looks at my life from wherever her soul is and enjoys how I live my life in Colombia.
The Sunday I came home from Cali I brought the twins of Jazmin to the zoo for their birthday. They turned 11 years old that Sunday and had never visited a zoo in their life, nor had Jazmin. It was a day of great enlightenment for me. I have given my children and my granddaughter many gifts in my lifetime, but I have never seen such happiness from children in my life as I did that day. It was a complete surprise for them, we even covered their eyes until we entered the line to purchase tickets. The joy, the unbridled happiness, the exquisite beauty of this one moment in time is embedded in my heart forever. They had the map of the exhibitions and every single check was marked before we left. There was no asking for any toys when we wandered by gift shops, there was only let’s look at this exhibit, we haven’t seen it yet. I’m not a fan of zoos, but this zoo in Cali is wonderful and I need to say I’m wrong about zoos now that I took the twins to see the animals on their birthday. I will always admit when I am mistaken. Zoos are important for education, for rescues of animals that are endangered. They are important for children who have never seen animals before. I hate to even admit this. If there is no cruelty, and education is involved, then we need to let go of our own opinions.
With this I say enjoy some photo’s that Nicole took. I am impressed. The cover photo is hers. I love living my life one day at a time. I love that I have been recovering quite well from major surgery. I also love I have an adopted family that loves me without condition.
All who follow my blog know I believe in the Universe and spiritual signs. The Universe, nature, and the environment are my religion. I’m not a believer in organized religion. That is not to say those that do have it wrong. This also doesn’t mean I am an atheist or an agnostic because I have no doubt that God exists. I’m happy to do my meditation within my world of beauty at Villa Migelita Ecolodge, because I consider nature to be my church. I believe that if we allow others to influence our thinking through their opinions and bias we cannot be free thinkers.
Everyone who follows my blog knows I am in Cali, Colombia because I have had hip surgery. I’m challenging myself every single day with physical therapy and it is not easy. I’m weak after my hour of intense exercises. I’m also shaky and hungry. Yesterday while riding the bike I felt a pain in my right leg and it is difficult to accept that I am in for a long process to get back to where I was before I found out I had CAM, and started living with undeniable pain in my hips. That pain is gone, but new pain is arriving as my physical therapist demands more from me at every session. I’m walking as much as I can now without crutches. This week my PT told me to use them less. I bring one crutch with me now when I go out because I use it if I need to stand anywhere for a long time, for hills, and for stairs. I don’t use them at all in the house. This is new territory for me, a transition perhaps, I have to accept I’m no longer the exercise queen, but an older woman who still thinks young.
This past weekend I had so much fun with Jazmin, she is my rock. I find myself focusing on many things that are important to my physical self. Without her support it would be quite difficult to be in Cali for a month! I’m sure I would not have plans like I do, nor go out as much. She keeps me young in thought and in style. Including, making me wear shorts and changing the color of my lipstick!
While we were out this past weekend I was thinking so much about Misha and how Jazmin takes care of me. Jazmin is close to the age Misha would be if she was still alive. Sometimes, I feel Misha is inside of Jazmin. I know that sounds strange, but Misha would be telling me to change my lipstick, to wear shorts and she would be making me get out and do things. She was always that way with me, even when we didn’t get along. Misha was always in my closet using my clothes. Now Jazmin uses my clothes also. She is so much like Misha, but there is no other side to Jazmin, she is who she is and never changes. Jazmin is a young mother like Misha would be and a person who appreciates what is happening in her life as we work together. She also is funny, inspiring, kind, and my best friend. Jazmin brings thoughts of Misha to my mind often.
After a fun evening with Jazmin on Saturday, when we got home there was a photo waiting for me in Facebook messenger. My cover photo of Misha as a young girl, with a little friend . It was from a friend I hung out with in the early years of my marriage, before everything went wrong. I’m not really in touch with her much anymore, but it seems Misha always reaches out to me through different ways, always unexpectedly. The photo had been sent only minutes before I arrived back at my rented place here in Cali, Colombia. I had never seen this photo before, and it took me by surprise because as I said before I had been thinking a lot about Misha recently.
I have discovered over the past eight years that you make friends, lose others, make new bonds, but the emotional pain doesn’t change, it holds on with a grip that cannot be undone. More sadness and grief are always waiting in the corner ready to punch you in the gut when you least expect it. I’m still trying to make peace with losing touch with my granddaughter. I speak to her every so often, but she is being controlled and she can do nothing about it at her young age, she sounds very sad and scared to say much when I do talk with her. I’ve learned to accept that bad people will hurt children and destroy their self-esteem to get even for long ago slights. Not even my slights, but maybe something Misha had done before she was killed.
When I was out that evening with Jazmin I kept thinking about how much Misha would enjoy the lifestyle I lead in Colombia, a life filled with adventure, peace and lovely friends. I often think she could really be herself here in Colombia, as I have found out myself. When I saw the photo of Misha’s sweet face with freckles, I teared up. Somehow, she is watching me. I can’t explain everything that has happened since she passed, but it seems when I have some difficult times she sends a message. This time it was her smile. Still the same as she grew older, lips together and mischievous. Honestly, she must know someway that I’ve been missing her a lot while I heal from surgery. She let me know she misses me too.
I’m 15 days post hip surgery and 3 days into my physical therapy. The cover photo is after my third therapy and as you can see I can stand and also walk without crutches but only for short periods of time. I’m so impressed with my care and the organization at the center for physical therapy at Imbanaco Medical Center in Cali, Colombia. I had my first check up Tuesday by one of the interns who works with my surgeon. He was very pleased with my progress, took out my stitches, and said I could stop taking my medication except Tylenol. He even did a Yoga pose and told me that I would be back to it soon. He made me laugh with his antics. He wrote out my order for physical therapy and said they would send them through email every month, and that I would be able to go back to my Villa soon.
Jazmin and I went over to the physical therapy office to make an appointment. In Colombia all medical centers have every need right in the same area. It is the same in Palmira the main city closest to Villa Migelita Ecolodge. We just had to walk a 1/2 block. We entered and I was registered and scheduled for an appointment that same afternoon. My doctors know I’m renting in Cali and want to get back to my animals and home. To say they are accommodating is an understatement!
When I arrived that afternoon I had been told by my doctor the first week would be very gentle therapy. I was asked questions about my pain level, they used a ruler type device to measure my range of motion in different positions and had me on ice and then heat. Then I did a few similar exercises to what I had been doing during my rest period after my surgery. I had an appointment Wednesday morning at 9:30 am and everything changed. This was funny to me because there was nothing about my second therapy that was easy. I had balls to hold between my legs while lifting one at a time for many repetitions, they even had me sit with 5 lb weights on my ankles and straighten my leg out and down , then the other leg! Believe it or not I had no pain!
Today was my third therapy and it was different again. I used the ball between my knees while I lifted my hips up and straightened my leg out and held for 10 seconds. I also had a band that I had to use while on my stomach and lift up one leg at a time for a series of repetitions, then sitting doing the same thing. My final exercise was balancing on a tube which was very hard for me because of my vertigo but I did it!
After my therapy Jazmin and I make fun plans as I am in much better spirits now that I am out and about. Cali is like New York City and we are discovering new things every single day. Today we took a ride on a cable car to a barrio where the citizens of Barrio Seloe used to have to walk up stairs to incredible heights to reach their homes! It was fun and we were so entertained! Perfect for me because I could sit and enjoy the views after doing my physical therapy.
I’m also impressed with how kind every person I encounter are to me. Opening doors , making sure I have a seat, telling me where elevators are, such care from complete strangers. Then there is Jazmin, my person. We are having fun while she takes such great care of me. I don’t know how I could have done this without her. I feel I might be leaving earlier than 30 days because my physical therapist told me today I was doing so great. I have to laugh because this week is supposed to be my easy week. What comes next week, weight lifting with squats? Don’t worry my blogs will keep everyone updated. Stay tuned, and remember no matter the challenge we all have it within ourselves to overcome any obstacle!
There is something resilient about me, and it is a quality that I like about myself. When I decide I’m going to do accomplish something, I do it. Sometimes it might take me awhile but I do what I say I’m going to do. I also don’t dwell on negativity, bad energy, or the mistakes I’ve made in my past. I just get on with my life. We should always put ourselves first before anyone, so that we can enjoy healthy relationships with others. To love oneself, to respect oneself, and to achieve respect from others are great gifts in life. I have suffered, but through my suffering I have become very wise.
I have realized since I started writing my book that I cared too much about what others thought, and not enough about what I need. Now, when I encounter situations that are unexpected, I figure out ways to fix the problem if there is one, or to embrace good news wholeheartedly with joy in my heart. I also have found what real friendship is since moving to Colombia. My friends in my tiny little pueblo have been contacting me every single day to see how I am. Some of the people who have contacted me I didn’t even know they knew I was having surgery. I love this quote “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” Maya Angelou. I believe that I have people who truly care for me here in Colombia and I also believe I’ve earned the respect of many with what I have accomplished and continue to accomplish.
I don’t necessarily believe that the goal in life is to have unconditional happiness. I believe that life is about learning and growing. I don’t seek out anyone with persistence, in fact I like being alone with my contemplations. I allow myself to have space and time when I’ve made mistakes to ponder what I can do differently the next time. Oftentimes, it is listening to yourself and not letting others influence you in decisions that should be yours alone.
I wrote about being afraid before my hip surgery in my last blog. There is one thing I’ve counted on all of my life and that is exercise. I envisioned not being able to hike nor do Yoga because of the rare hip condition I developed. Exercise is sanity to me. It is healing to me. Exercise is a habit I can’t imagine being without. As I write my book, l realize it is integral to everything that is part of my history, both good and bad. So I had a basis for my fear. Once again, I needlessly worried and my results have been spectacular. I have steadfastly done what the doctors have asked, including taking a lot of medication that makes me sleepy, and exercises that physical therapists showed me while I was in the hospital. I’m free of the pain in my hips and I have not even started my 20 days of special therapy ordered by my surgeon.
Yesterday l walked two blocks down the road to the hairdresser with my crutches, and of course Jazmine was with me. I was slow, it was a bit nerve wracking because I thought maybe I’m doing too much, then I walked back up the hilly road. Today, I could walk without crutches if I wanted to, but I’m not going to. I’m following instructions. I’m certainly surprised by my progress. I am hoping that perhaps I won’t have to stay as long in Cali, Colombia when my surgeon sees me next week. That perhaps he will release me after a short time of therapy here to finish physical therapy in Palmira and I can be back to my Paradise and my animals. If he won’t I am ok with that too. Oh, and this morning a hummingbird came to the feeder I put outside on the patio. If that isn’t a good sign I don’t know what is.
The cover photo is me 3 days post surgery at my place of residence in Cali where I will be staying until I’m released to go home to my Villa.
I really do not have much to compare my hospital stay with because I’ve never been in the hospital for anything that wasn’t childbirth or outpatient surgery. I’m sure most people have trepidation before major surgery and I am no different. My new life in Colombia revolves around adventure, hiking, nature, tourist activities and ecotourism. When I was given my diagnosis for the mysterious hip pain that showed up and continued to get worse I became worried. I then find out not many doctors perform this surgery in the world. It is a very technical procedure and some people are not candidates for the procedure needed because they will go on to need hip replacement later. Fortunately for me, I was a perfect candidate because my condition is called CAM and the only way to correct it is through arthroscopy. Fortunately for me there is a renowned doctor in Cali, Colombia who performs this technique.
Fatalism is a part of my personality. I’m certain when I was younger and raising my family I didn’t think much about what is destined to be. All of us become caught up in our lives and we never think of having bad things happen. We always think that dreadful stuff can only happen to someone else. After my daughter was murdered I accepted a different reality. As I write my book chapters alongside this blog, I’ve come to realize my life has always been characterized by my strength. I seem to be given many challenges and somehow I get through them. This diagnosis was just my latest contretemps.
The day of my surgery I had to pack for 30 days away from all that brings me peace in my life. My Villa, my animals, the climate, nature, my normal routine and prepare not just for surgery but for recovery in a strange home in the city of Cali, Colombia. My stress level was high. My good friend drove Jazmine and I to the hospital. He is bilingual thank goodness because I was so unnerved I lost my Spanish. Of course I can always communicate with Jazmine, but when they called me back for preparation I was panicked. Jazmine was allowed to stay with me until I was wheeled away in the hospital bed, tears were flowing down my face as she hugged me and I kept looking back at her until she was out of sight. I know this seems melodramatic, but it was scary for me because I couldn’t communicate like usual. When we entered the OR there was the wonderful doctor for my anesthesia whom I conversed with in Spanish quite well during an appointment. He spoke with me and all I heard was a foreign language being spoken by everyone, as well as huge computer screens, a lot of nurses and doctors asking me questions about my pain level, let’s just say I blanked out. Then my surgeon entered the room and came over to me and took my hand, and said ‘tranquila’ and I replied ‘el ejercicio es mi vida’. I don’t remember anything else.
I awoke with my teeth chattering. I’m serious, I was frightened I would break my teeth. I was covered immediately with so many hot blankets, and saw my Jazmine looking down on me smiling and holding my hand. I immediately felt like my brain had been reset. Isabel the wonderful nurse in the picture above gave me pain medication in my IV and I started speaking Spanish again. She stayed with us until we were brought up to my lovely room and introduced me to the night nurses who would be caring for me. Not even 6 hours later the two interns who study with my surgeon were in the room and had me on my feet using my crutches! They had me out of the bed and sitting in the chair and doing my exercises after I walked around the room. I had those medical pressure socks on and a machine massaging my legs until they knew I could walk and perform the simple exercises prescribed until I start my real therapy in about 10 days. I also have medicine that I’m continuing after the hospital to inject in my stomach for blood clots and the drug Celebrex and a few more prescription drugs all covered up to a certain amount which is then reimbursed to me with receipts given to Coomeva Insurance.
That first day in the hospital was a revolution of different people visiting me, including physical therapists, doctors, interns on rounds, the nurses with my medicine and I was even given a hot shower by the nurse who changed my bandages later to small simple coverings. I had three meals a day plus two snacks and when I needed more water and pressed the button on the call phone they would come immediately. The representative from my insurance even came in to ask if I needed anything! I am still so impressed by the wonderful care I was given. My second night I was exhausted because I did what I was told and it was not easy.
I awoke on the second day by the morning nurse and I had dislodged my IV line in my sleep and that was replaced. When the interns came in next for my assessment I was covered in blood from my hand and the dislodged IV line. That was attractive! The interns didn’t care and they went through my exercises again and said you can leave, you are a great patient. My pain level had decreased dramatically. One of the interns adjusted my crutches and that helped so much for my back, which was bothering me. I went by myself with Jazmine’s help to shower. When the nurse came in to bathe me she wasn’t happy about my bath without her, but I sat in a chair and it was safe. I then waited to be released because I knew I would be fine. Again, it was all so organized and without any wait. Jazmine did everything and I was wheeled downstairs and outside to an awaiting taxi. My friend met us at the house with my large suitcase and took Jazmine to get groceries. We have settled in quite well and I am 4 days post surgery and doing very well.
So now I’m recouperating in a lovely house in a really nice area near the hospital where I will have my therapy. I’m almost without any pain already in my hips. Truly, modern medicine is miraculous! I am very uncomfortable at night because I have a special pillow for my legs and have to sleep on my back without moving. I wake up feeling sore from my sleep position but not my surgery. I’m writing, reading and laughing a lot with Jazmine. It is hard to change routine, but I’ve accepted my fate for the next 30 days and hopefully when I am less tired from the surgery I can go out for an hour or so to have my nails done, sit at the famous Chipichape mall or even sit in a park to photograph nature and birds. I brought a hummingbird feeder and today we are going to hang it outside the window where I’m staying and I can attract some of my favorite little jewels to watch here in Cali, Colombia.
Next blog will be soon about my therapy and continuing recovery. I’m going to try and enjoy Cali, Colombia as I will be here awhile. Maybe I will get photos of different species of birds because the climate is very hot and tropical here. Look for more musings soon.
via My Hospital Stay