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Happiness vs Closure


Happiness it eludes me, I reach, I stretch my arms out reaching…reaching…reaching…but it is never there right in my hands. Just when I touch it, and I think I have a hold, whoosh, it is gone.
Many would never classify going to the trial of my daughter’s killer as in that ‘category’ happiness, but to me it would bring me closure. This closure might bring me closer to that elusive word ‘happiness’. No matter the outcome, I would know I worked hard to get her justice and the trial she deserves in her life. Yes, in her life, as even though she is deceased…we are talking about the ending of her life, which is the outcome of this trial that has not taken place.

So last night I was looking at my flight to make sure it was on time, and I check my email. There it was, the Victim’s Advocate writing a short note at the 11th hour we need to talk to you…and then the second email right after the first. “Sorry I have to leave for the day, the trial is being continued.” Wow. Yes that is how they let me know that the trial was postponed. Like it was nothing. My mental preparation for 2 months discarded in that one sentence. I started to cry. Who wouldn’t? I traveled to Baton Rouge as you all remember in March to publicize the lack of justice in my daughter’s case. I was on television, I was interviewed by The Advocate and a wonderful editorial was written:( http://theadvocate.com/news/opinion/8737286-123/inside-report-trial-delays-grieve#.UzwwAwjNzvc.email) about the same thing happening to a couple who lost their baby during his stay in daycare. We both share the lack of justice. We both have the same prosecution team. We both are trying really hard to find the closure we need, and this team, well they are not delivering. So now it seems I am losing and the killer and his team are winning. He has this high-profile lawyer, who obviously uses one tried and true tactic. Delay. Delay. Continue. Delay. The judge lets it happen. The prosecution team writes me self serving emails after the fact that they are ‘hurt’ by my insinuation that there is corruption in the Louisiana judicial system. Well, google it. Louisiana is number one in corruption or in a tie with Illinois. Hello??? Are you listening Louisiana? I am not going to stand idly by while my daughter is not given her trial. I am going to write about the injustice, the heartbreak and the sadness I feel. I am exhausted from trying to get a grasp on ‘happiness’, just a little pinky finger grasp, but it keeps eluding me. I can post many photo’s of the beauty I see here in Colombia at my beautiful Villa Migelita, but do I have happiness? No. I will not have it until I get this trial for her, she needs her trial and I need closure.

Closure it is so closely connected to happiness. When the trial goes forward, will Misha have a good defense? I wonder now. I see so many publicized trials, and I watch them. They take on a different meaning when you have a child that has been murdered. I need to say it. Misha was murdered. The defendant did it. He made deliberate moves to cover his tracks. He stopped and changed his tire and took his bumper off. Now that was a hard sentence to write, my daughter’s body did that to his car. Think about that, while reading this. He hit my daughter so hard she flattened his tire. Then he traveled far away to ‘fix’ his car saying ” I hit a deer” but the next day called and said the police would be visiting because he hit a person, my daughter. He knew he hit a person, he had a DUI 9 months before, so he was probably drunk when he killed her. Now, let me muse on the prosecution…why are they letting this case which was solved fairly quickly go on for 4 and 1/2 years. Why are they letting the defense run the show? I see all the other trials that make national news and this is not what happens with them. Why is my daughter so unimportant? I can put it together, can you? Money. The defendant is from the powerful family that owns Drago’s Seafood Restaurant. This link to my newscast shows that EVEN the news reporter has to mention he is from a powerful family ( http://www.wbrz.com/videoplayer/?video_id=18796&categories=231%2C58%2C135%2C95%2C66). Disgusting.

I say one last thing to the team representing my daughter, “Stop acting like you are for her best interests” You are not. You are doing your job and nothing more, nothing less. You are cold, heartless people who get paid to do your job and that is what you do, nothing more, nothing less. Without compassion you are cold, you are heartless, you are the person who wrote me an email 7 hours before I left Colombia for my closure. You are awful. I do not have faith in you anymore. I have no faith in Louisiana. I have faith that I can make this go viral and maybe then you will do your job.

Please write the judge. You have to send a handwritten letter. Christian Cvitanovich vs Mikel Cara Carson. This letter needs to be hand written to the judge. Her name is Trudy White. 300 N Blvd. Baton Rouge, LA 70802. No more letters to the District Attorney because they have many and it obviously made no difference to them. They are robots. They have no compassion, without compassion they need to change professions. Thank you all for your letters. Anything to bring justice for Misha.

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Author:

I am an American who moved to Colombia to find peace after the devastating loss of my daughter. I bought and renovated a Villa, am learning Spanish, and writing as catharsis. This blog will be like my book with chapters. Each blog will be about my life and adventures. I hope you will enjoy the many new discoveries I am making every day about myself and another culture.

6 thoughts on “Happiness vs Closure

  1. Every time I read Misha’s story and the pain you have continued to suffer since her death it rips my heart out. I WILL be sending a letter.. I pray it helps in some way!! Stay strong friend!!! **HUGS**

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  2. The first email probably wanting you to call so they could tell you more personally. I don’t know if you have a phone # for them other than an office phone, so maybe they then told you in the second email! or wanted to hurry so you wouldn’t leave.

    It definately should have been more personal and included more detail and regrets.

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  3. Michele: As has been the case since I read your first blog, my heart goes out to you. The injustices are horrendous. There may be little or no justice with man, but there is true justice with God.” Throw your burden on God because he cares for you” Psalms 55:22. This man will not go unpunished . In the meantime, I will write and I will be here to listen. (((HUGS)))❤❤❤

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  4. My dear friend , knowing you and your beautiful soul , I wish I could make this go away. The best I can do is write , and encourage many of us who love you and Misha to follow with our mighty pens!!

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