What if everyone in the world made the same New Year’s Resolution? What if all of us said “Let us make peace in our lives, and bring happiness into our being by loving ourselves?” Do you think you could stick with that plan? If any of us need to change something it is the self talk that flows freely through our minds constantly. We all have that self-doubt, we all have those bad days, we all have those friends that turn out not to be friends, we all have family members that we do not get along with. Do we care too much about how others judge us but not enough about how we regard ourselves? I think if we are honest and look within our hearts, we will find that we do not hold our own self in the high regard we should. I have made myself a priority for a long time now. I still have problems in my life, we all do as that is part of life. However, I decided when I went through a toxic and very ugly divorce that no one would ever control me again. I will admit I was hurt from the words that came out of the mouths of people who knew me well, gossip that always found its way back to me, but in that ugliness and nastiness I found myself. I found a person who could stand up to defamation and do what I needed to allow myself a fulfilling life. If others do not see my decisions as acceptable, well who cares? I am my own best friend. I will always follow my instincts, values and beliefs. Sometimes, we get rude awakenings about people involved in our lives, and it is usually from them through their actions or words. We all have faults, no one is perfect, but what happens is we see something contrary to the core convictions inside of us and we need to remove this person from our life. It is never easy to do this, but you have to remember there are only a few people who will stay true to you, and YOU should be one of them! You should never have to apologize for being yourself, nor apologize when your feelings are compromised.
This past year has challenged for me. I have chosen to end negativity in my life. I have done it slowly and without malice. My day-to-day existence was reflecting the negativity that was surrounding me in many ways. The reliving of my daughter’s death over and over while I tried to bring justice was causing health problems for me. I began to see that I was unduly influenced by this adversity in other ways. I found myself allowing behavior from others that was not acceptable, that I excused such behavior because I wanted to avoid confrontation. Then it dawned on me, I was once again putting others before my own principles. I knew this was not who I was. My mother used to tell me that we have to forgive but we do not have to keep people in our lives that we are uncomfortable around. I thought about her words, and decided to detach myself from a few people who not only offended me but challenged my feelings about abuse which I have been a victim of. I felt bad. I always feel bad when I see an ending to a relationship, but the unpleasantness that came after each falling out made me realize I had made the right decision after all. I feel better, I really do. I realize I am unapologetically me. I do not need to conform to anyone else’s standards. My own standards are my best justification. I show the world who I am and what I believe through my blogs and my Facebook page Villa Migelita. I do not take anything personally, because what other people do is because of them, not me. Although I still hear silly gossip, I refuse to do the same back, it is not who I am.
So let’s talk about goals. That has been my mindset for a long time now. I moved to Colombia with the goal of getting away from the unpleasantness that surrounded me after the divorce and the death of my daughter. I then made it my goal to find a peaceful place to live with my animals, a place where I could add to my animal family without worrying about space and freedom for them to live a nice life. I did that. I then decided that I wanted to have a Bed and Breakfast because I enjoy being around people, just like I enjoyed meeting new people when I was a flight attendant with Delta Air Lines. I am doing that now. I will open in the New Year and the name of my Bed and Breakfast is Villa Migelita. My next goal is to turn my writings into a book. I have no doubt I will do this also. You know why? I believe we can do anything if we believe in ourselves and our own abilities. You are never more alive than when you are being true to yourself, you do not need to be perfect, you just need to be who you are. Life is too short to compare your progress and decisions with others, because our lives are not scripted in the same way. Even if you fail, you tried. You just pick yourself up and love that you were brave enough to do what you want to do without fearing judgment from naysayers or small-minded people. I don’t approve of everything I have done in my life, but it has gotten me to where I am today. I am following my dreams and I am letting the Universe guide me. I will succeed because I believe I will and you can do the same with your life if you believe in yourself and love yourself. So let us begin 2015 with a new thought process, let the thoughts that guide you be kind and loving. Let the world see you are kind and loving not just to others but to yourself. Things do not always work out the way we want them to, they work out when they are meant to happen. So here is to a great New Year to all of you, inspire yourself, follow your dreams, make your own mark in this world, show people you have a song in your heart and you want to share it with them. The secret is to find your fulfillment within yourself, no one else can do that for you. Love yourself as only you can do, do not let anyone take away the joy you deserve.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 8,800 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
I took a long walk in nature this morning and thought about the last four years of Christmas past. This will be my fifth Christmas without Misha my deceased daughter. My thoughts were all over the place. I thought about my granddaughter who has to live her life never knowing the free spirit that embodied my daughter, I thought about how being a survivor of a murdered child has changed me, and I thought about Christmas day. It is hard for me to enjoy a day that brought so much joy when my children were growing up. Of all the paths I have met during my lifetime, the death of my daughter is the hardest one to walk. I have survived my entire life up until this point. I have survived trauma, heartbreak, devastation. I am still going strong, working towards a new future, opening my Bed and Breakfast Villa Migelita and waking up each morning knowing that I have to live for my daughter and Amaya my granddaughter who will want to know all about her Mommy as she grows up. This Christmas my future does look bright, and I must let go of the negativity that has surrounded me for years. I spent the last five years working on justice for Misha, but I lost because of a corrupt judge and a flawed system in Louisiana. If I let this wrongdoing consume me, then the future I have worked towards will be shrouded in bitterness not happiness. I will no longer allow adversity inside my mind nor my life. This Christmas I want to enjoy the day without the terrible heartache that overtakes me during this time of year. I used to have a tree with so many presents underneath.
This new life I embarked on when I moved to South America has made me realize those presents mean nothing. Health, well-being, our kindness and actions towards others are the most important gifts we can have and give. Christmas day means so much more than opening a present. It is a time of reflection and contemplation about the past year and what we can do to make change in our lives in a valuable way. It is a day of celebration with family and friends, appreciating the very life that God has given to us. I have many new friends here in Colombia. I plan on spending Christmas with those friends and entertaining at Villa Migelita during the holiday weeks. I have decorated Colombian style, and play Christmas music during the days. I put my parrot Luci on the window in my office and watch her dance to the Christmas carols. These songs bring back many memories of my life before divorce and death wiped out the joy of the season for me. Christmas was always so special at my house when my children were growing up. Christmas can be special for me again, because I will make it that way. The last Christmas I spent with Misha was such a delight, Amaya was just a baby. When I think of the past I will focus only on the wonderful memories of years gone by. There was so much positive, so much love, and Misha would be so proud today if she could see what a lovely child Amaya has turned into.
So how does one let go? There are many people just like me who have hurt so badly they feel they can never love again, live again, nor keep moving forward, but we do. We grasp the knowledge acquired from misfortune and use that knowledge to become better people. I have not given up on securing justice for Misha, I am just letting go. I think that is what she would want. I am not satisfied I will get my happy ending. Maybe there is no such thing and we find the truth when we leave this world and enter a new dimension. I just know that I have to move forward with an unencumbered mind. I have to let the New Year bring me the possibilities I have worked so hard for. I have to focus on the road ahead, not the road I left.