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A New Year, A New Thought Process

Ricardo job, lake, luci and tarantula 021
What if everyone in the world made the same New Year’s Resolution? What if all of us said “Let us make peace in our lives, and bring happiness into our being by loving ourselves?” Do you think you could stick with that plan? If any of us need to change something it is the self talk that flows freely through our minds constantly. We all have that self-doubt, we all have those bad days, we all have those friends that turn out not to be friends, we all have family members that we do not get along with. Do we care too much about how others judge us but not enough about how we regard ourselves? I think if we are honest and look within our hearts, we will find that we do not hold our own self in the high regard we should. I have made myself a priority for a long time now. I still have problems in my life, we all do as that is part of life. However, I decided when I went through a toxic and very ugly divorce that no one would ever control me again. I will admit I was hurt from the words that came out of the mouths of people who knew me well, gossip that always found its way back to me, but in that ugliness and nastiness I found myself. I found a person who could stand up to defamation and do what I needed to allow myself a fulfilling life. If others do not see my decisions as acceptable, well who cares? I am my own best friend. I will always follow my instincts, values and beliefs. Sometimes, we get rude awakenings about people involved in our lives, and it is usually from them through their actions or words. We all have faults, no one is perfect, but what happens is we see something contrary to the core convictions inside of us and we need to remove this person from our life. It is never easy to do this, but you have to remember there are only a few people who will stay true to you, and YOU should be one of them! You should never have to apologize for being yourself, nor apologize when your feelings are compromised.

This past year has challenged for me. I have chosen to end negativity in my life. I have done it slowly and without malice. My day-to-day existence was reflecting the negativity that was surrounding me in many ways. The reliving of my daughter’s death over and over while I tried to bring justice was causing health problems for me. I began to see that I was unduly influenced by this adversity in other ways. I found myself allowing behavior from others that was not acceptable, that I excused such behavior because I wanted to avoid confrontation. Then it dawned on me, I was once again putting others before my own principles. I knew this was not who I was. My mother used to tell me that we have to forgive but we do not have to keep people in our lives that we are uncomfortable around. I thought about her words, and decided to detach myself from a few people who not only offended me but challenged my feelings about abuse which I have been a victim of. I felt bad. I always feel bad when I see an ending to a relationship, but the unpleasantness that came after each falling out made me realize I had made the right decision after all. I feel better, I really do. I realize I am unapologetically me. I do not need to conform to anyone else’s standards. My own standards are my best justification. I show the world who I am and what I believe through my blogs and my Facebook page Villa Migelita. I do not take anything personally, because what other people do is because of them, not me. Although I still hear silly gossip, I refuse to do the same back, it is not who I am.

So let’s talk about goals. That has been my mindset for a long time now. I moved to Colombia with the goal of getting away from the unpleasantness that surrounded me after the divorce and the death of my daughter. I then made it my goal to find a peaceful place to live with my animals, a place where I could add to my animal family without worrying about space and freedom for them to live a nice life. I did that. I then decided that I wanted to have a Bed and Breakfast because I enjoy being around people, just like I enjoyed meeting new people when I was a flight attendant with Delta Air Lines. I am doing that now. I will open in the New Year and the name of my Bed and Breakfast is Villa Migelita. My next goal is to turn my writings into a book. I have no doubt I will do this also. You know why? I believe we can do anything if we believe in ourselves and our own abilities. You are never more alive than when you are being true to yourself, you do not need to be perfect, you just need to be who you are. Life is too short to compare your progress and decisions with others, because our lives are not scripted in the same way. Even if you fail, you tried. You just pick yourself up and love that you were brave enough to do what you want to do without fearing judgment from naysayers or small-minded people. I don’t approve of everything I have done in my life, but it has gotten me to where I am today. I am following my dreams and I am letting the Universe guide me. I will succeed because I believe I will and you can do the same with your life if you believe in yourself and love yourself. So let us begin 2015 with a new thought process, let the thoughts that guide you be kind and loving. Let the world see you are kind and loving not just to others but to yourself. Things do not always work out the way we want them to, they work out when they are meant to happen. So here is to a great New Year to all of you, inspire yourself, follow your dreams, make your own mark in this world, show people you have a song in your heart and you want to share it with them. The secret is to find your fulfillment within yourself, no one else can do that for you. Love yourself as only you can do, do not let anyone take away the joy you deserve.
Ricardo job, lake, luci and tarantula 043

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2014 in review/ Thank you all for making my blog a success! Here is my latest blog and look for a new blog today or tomorrow.

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 8,800 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Christmas Musings

I took a long walk in nature this morning and thought about the last four years of Christmas past. This will be my fifth Christmas without Misha my deceased daughter. My thoughts were all over the place. I thought about my granddaughter who has to live her life never knowing the free spirit that embodied my daughter, I thought about how being a survivor of a murdered child has changed me, and I thought about Christmas day. It is hard for me to enjoy a day that brought so much joy when my children were growing up. Of all the paths I have met during my lifetime, the death of my daughter is the hardest one to walk. I have survived my entire life up until this point. I have survived trauma, heartbreak, devastation. I am still going strong, working towards a new future, opening my Bed and Breakfast Villa Migelita and waking up each morning knowing that I have to live for my daughter and Amaya my granddaughter who will want to know all about her Mommy as she grows up. This Christmas my future does look bright, and I must let go of the negativity that has surrounded me for years. I spent the last five years working on justice for Misha, but I lost because of a corrupt judge and a flawed system in Louisiana. If I let this wrongdoing consume me, then the future I have worked towards will be shrouded in bitterness not happiness. I will no longer allow adversity inside my mind nor my life. This Christmas I want to enjoy the day without the terrible heartache that overtakes me during this time of year. I used to have a tree with so many presents underneath.1717_1063213746577_8020_n
This new life I embarked on when I moved to South America has made me realize those presents mean nothing. Health, well-being, our kindness and actions towards others are the most important gifts we can have and give. Christmas day means so much more than opening a present. It is a time of reflection and contemplation about the past year and what we can do to make change in our lives in a valuable way. It is a day of celebration with family and friends, appreciating the very life that God has given to us. I have many new friends here in Colombia. I plan on spending Christmas with those friends and entertaining at Villa Migelita during the holiday weeks. I have decorated Colombian style, and play Christmas music during the days. I put my parrot LuciSunsets, Luci and dogs swimming 044 on the window in my office and watch her dance to the Christmas carols. These songs bring back many memories of my life before divorce and death wiped out the joy of the season for me. Christmas was always so special at my house when my children were growing up. Christmas can be special for me again, because I will make it that way. The last Christmas I spent with Misha was such a delight, Amaya was just a baby. When I think of the past I will focus only on the wonderful memories of years gone by. There was so much positive, so much love, and Misha would be so proud today if she could see what a lovely child Amaya has turned into. 1717_1063212986558_2937_n

So how does one let go? There are many people just like me who have hurt so badly they feel they can never love again, live again, nor keep moving forward, but we do. We grasp the knowledge acquired from misfortune and use that knowledge to become better people. I have not given up on securing justice for Misha, I am just letting go. I think that is what she would want. I am not satisfied I will get my happy ending. Maybe there is no such thing and we find the truth when we leave this world and enter a new dimension. I just know that I have to move forward with an unencumbered mind. I have to let the New Year bring me the possibilities I have worked so hard for. I have to focus on the road ahead, not the road I left.

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Signs from the Universe Surround Me

Signs, we all get them from our loved ones, but do we recognize them? My daughter Misha is very good at making sure I hear and see her messages. Most of her messages involve hummingbirds, but there are other signs that show up when I least expect them in different ways. I read so much on this subject after she was killed, because I know she woke me when she left this world. That early morning of her death, I was startled out of a deep sleep at what I have been told was an immediate death by trauma. I awoke at what is described as the real time of her passing. I actually had mental messages before she passed; but I was not enlightened then. I have changed so much in my thought process these past years. I realize life is a moment in time in a vast universe of unsolved mysteries. I am allowing myself to accept what happens regularly for what they are; signs from the Universe.

They have happened for a long time now, five years! They are what I like to refer to as our 6th sense, a sense not recognized by everyone but one I know exists. These signs are thought processes but also actual happenings that cannot be explained by anyone. I read so much after my daughter was killed, because of what occurred before and after her death. There is so much data by others who share similar experiences. This is a strange phenomenon that no one can explain but many share. We are a group of people who have had tragic loss, near death experiences, or have watched loved ones in their last hours before leaving this world talk to others that we do not see. My beloved mother lived with me the last years of her life and she slowly succumbed to dementia. She had a series of small strokes and she became disabled but was always sweet and loving. She knew who I was but she became isolated into a world of her own. Anyone who has dealt with dementia knows it is difficult to see our loved ones become different, strangers really. Someone you love with all your heart changing before your eyes. When my mother was finally in her last days, she had a two hour stretch when she was my Mom again. She talked with me, told me she loved me and said I had always been a good daughter to her. I felt so blessed to have that moment with her. Then she went back inside her own little world. I watched as she became agitated from talking to people she saw. She was so frail at the end laying in her room in a special hospital bed. She was talking so much and moving that bed with her body. There was a mark on the wall from the bed slamming into it. They were people she knew, she would smile, laugh and mumble. I could not make out her words but I knew she was being called home to be with my father and others who had left this world for a better place. This was was my very first experience into the unknown that many people deny exists. I was never sure what I thought about life after death, but my Mother taught me in her last days there is something else. Who knew four short years later my daughter Misha would be joining her?

When my mother and father had passed I never saw signs. This is not to say they were not around me, it just means I never realized it if they were. My signs from Misha were there even before she passed. A strange phenomena for sure. As I have said in past posts I did not realize or react to them at first. Then unexplained occurrences started happening. My life was a disaster when she died. I was going through a horrible divorce, my house was being foreclosed on because my ex stopped paying the mortgage, I had no idea where I would live and my son was being manipulated and controlled through parental alienation by my ex and his family. I kept trying, and I actually lived one day at a time because I had too. I would sit on my patio and wonder what I could do. I had my beloved animals and there was no way I would give them up. I really did live in the present at that time in my life.

Then I moved to Colombia which you can read about here. Colombia has brought many wonderful and miraculous gifts to me by way of spiritual messages. I have also suffered tragedy and heartbreak while living here. Life does not always give us what we search for but it does give us lessons we then process and use for strength. Last year on Christmas Eve I lost my special dog Taz, he was Misha’s pet. I mourned him like I grieved for her. I felt shut down and exhausted from so many terrible happenings. I came to Colombia to find my true self and pursue my dream of having a Bed and Breakfast. That was a time of sadness for me, one of such discouragement I felt I had made a mistake. I still was struggling with learning Spanish, had only made a few friends here and felt isolated and lonely. The holiday season was gone for me, and I felt it would never be the same. Then I did what I always do, I picked myself up and made the best of the situation I was in. I looked and looked for Taz. Then another unthinkable moment happened, then I felt I was losing every connection I had with Misha, that she was disappearing slowly from my life spiritually. I had an earring that I wore in my second pierced hole that was recovered from her body. I had a special backing on it and I never took it off. One day after looking for Taz on the motorcycle I came home and looked in the mirror and that earring was gone from my ear. I cried like I cried from her death. The New Year came and went, the trial of her killer was postponed for the third time, the blows kept coming. I decided to fly to Baton Rouge and publicize the lack of justice. While I was there I met with Misha’s best friend. She came to the hotel and the first words out of her mouth were “I found something and I want you to have it, I only found one and it was in my car” she then handed me one earring which I recognized immediately! It was the very first earring Misha wore after I had her ears pierced when she was seven! No one knew I had lost that earring, I never could bring myself to talk about it. Now I had a gift from Misha, using another person she loved so much, giving me back an earring for that ear. Gabby cried with disbelief when I told her the story of the other lost earring. The next day I went on TV and publicized the need for a trial for her death, and that earring is prominent in the news story. I wear it all the time and will never take it off.

Anyone who follows my page Villa Migelita on Facebook knows I am surrounded by hummingbirds, they also know these special creatures seek me out continually. I have them fly into my house on such a regular basis it has become normal to me. I now know they are my Spirit Totem and Misha’s way of communicating with me. I have no doubt of this. Last month after I learned that the murderer of my daughter was given a suspended sentence was devastating to me. You can read about it in my last blog here. Another major blow in my life, one I cannot understand nor process. However, Misha is doing her best to comfort me. She never left, I just was so caught up in my sadness that I was not allowing her messages to come to me. This time she was insistent. I have had so many visits by hummingbirds inside my house since this unjust sentence that I have to take notice. I know many of you saw the video of the hummingbird that would not leave, but this time she actually has sent me a hummingbird to care for. Yesterday my worker brought me a baby hummingbird he found in the street almost dead. He had cared for it overnight, then brought it to me first thing in the morning. I was amazed and a bit scared. I knew it was from Misha. What if I did not care for it properly? I read everything on the internet that I could. I do not have access to wildlife foundations here in the mountains. This baby was wet and weak, but I could tell not a super young hummingbird because it had all of its feathers. I knew Mama had fed it well, and I looked for something I could offer in protein that would give this sweet angel the proper nutrition. I read a post from a similar story as mine and the person had given their rescue hummingbird egg yolk. So I boiled just a bit of sugar with egg yolk and started feeding him every 30 minutes. He thrived, his feathers dried out, he started peeping and peeping. He started flying a bit, but I put him a cage because he could not support height and would fall to the ground. As the day went on, he grew more strong. He took his feedings with great energy. You can see a feeding here. As the night was coming on I knew I would be getting close to the last feeding and left him on my lap. Then the most miraculous thing happened. He started to elevate a bit from my lap and then land again. All the while his peeping was so strong. I let him do this. I knew he was getting stronger. He then just flew high and stayed in front of me and before I could blink my eyes he flew out the window to my lemon tree and landed perfectly. I went outside and stood under him. I knew if he could not fly he would take off and fall to the ground. I wanted him to have his freedom and I let nature take its course. He then flew up so high and out of no where his mother joined him, they were together. His mother was outside my house all day listening to his call! Together they flew to my pine tree and I could see them on a branch. The mother was right next to him. I cried tears of joy.

So you see this was another message from my daughter Misha. I believe she sent me the comfort of this special baby for a day to lift my spirits about the lack of justice in her murder. I also believe she wanted me to know someday we will fly off together again just like this baby did with his mother. I went to sleep thinking of the miracles around me. I will truly try to appreciate all moments of my life from this day forward. I will never have an experience that was so profound again. Wait, maybe I will, maybe it will be another miracle she will send me just like this one for the Christmas season. May God Bless her and the angel hummingbirds that never leave my side.