hummingsfromparadise

The Real Side of Grief

Posted on November 6, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

I have thought a lot about my daughter lately. It will be 5 years in January since she died. I think about how time just goes by; and I think about what she would be doing if she was still here on this Earth. I think about the sentencing of the killer next week. I think about how hard I have worked to bring justice for the death of my daughter. I think about the corruption in Louisiana and if all the letters sent will actually help. I worry that some back door deal has taken place between the prosecution and the defense. I worry about the prosecutor and victims advocate who have never really been on board with me ever since they realized how hard I was working to get a trial for my daughter who is the victim. I think about how messed up the laws are in the USA that the defendant has more rights than the victim. If a petition had not been sent to the senator of Louisiana I still would be fighting to get a trial. That petition (in my opinion) most likely influenced the monster who killed my daughter and left her on the side of the road, made him realize I was never going to let him live his life without facing punishment for killing another person. He pled ‘no contest’ to felony hit and run with serious injury or death. He has still not shown remorse nor acknowledged his guilt in my daughter’s death. I think of the toll this fight has taken on my health. I have had so many health problems since the murder. Nothing life threatening; just chronic problems that interrupt my life. I really am not a complainer and have lived with these problems and continued my life and my pursuit of justice no matter what. I have done what was necessary to bring this subhuman to a place where he is now to be sentenced. Still I worry; that worry caused me to get shingles. Shingles is keeping me away from the sentencing. I have decided that I can not travel 15 hours by airplane to make my statement to the court. Anyone who has had shingles knows the pain and danger that they bring. After much contemplation, along with seeing doctor’s about their thoughts, and many stories from kind people who follow my page Villa Migelita on Facebook I came to the only real decision there was to make. I can not go. Some might not agree, and I understand that, but it would put me in danger for more bad consequences to my health, and to others around me.

Now that I made my decision, I am a bit more at peace. I am continuing to work on getting this man sentenced to the maximum penalty through the internet, which has done well for me thus far. I wonder though has the judge made up her mind already? Has he bought his freedom? It is really strange how the victims advocate is responding to my simple requests. Actually, she has only responded a couple of times and that is to do what she always does; discourage me from what I am doing. When I sent her the sentence guidelines for what the murderer should get, she wrote me back that is not a guarantee. When I sent her the statute about how the DA can put in a motion for my video statement she wrote back she would pass it along but could not guarantee this. When I told her I wrote the judge that I could not attend due to my health problems, she wrote back I should not have written the judge. Imagine that! The person who is to be advocating for me is actually discouraging me! She actually is saying I should not exercise my right to free speech, she is discouraging me from advocating for my daughter! This is what I have been up against for almost five years now. It really does make me worry, and this is why I have shingles. I believe all my efforts might be for nothing because I think they have some sort of deal that has been in place since he pled ‘no contest’ and nothing I do will change that. So I am writing it down. I think all who read my blog and follow my page need to know what I suspect. I also want to include my Impact statement which will be to be read in court. I hope it is. Oh, and she also said to me perhaps the video will be given to the judge to view outside of the courtroom and not at sentencing. Why not at the sentencing? It is all so fishy, it is all so wrong. What is the big deal of showing a short video so that the murderer can hear my voice? The voice of her mother?

Here is my written Victim Impact statement, I tried to keep it brief so the court could not say it was too long:
“I received a call from my soon to be ex-husband around 11:30 PM the night of her murder. My daughter Mikel Cara Carson stopped to help a person she saw hit by a car. Then the defendant Christian Cvitanvich hit that car, and my daughter’s body was thrown and allegedly killed instantly. How, though, will we ever know if she actually died immediately? If the defendant had stopped and tried to help, if he had called 911 immediately, if he had done the right thing, we would have answers to these questions. When asked how I am affected, these questions come repeatedly to my mind. Did she suffer as she lay on the side of the road until the sun came up and someone called in her body? It is a torment I wish on no one. I struggle every single day with questions about that night. I struggle with the fact it took 12 hours to discover who she was and that she lay in a morgue unidentified while her baby daughter was calling for her at home. I struggle with the fact that my son has never been the same since her death and has left his once promising life of a good education to now barely getting a GED. I struggle with the anger that surrounded me after her death: the anger of my son, the anger of my ex-husband and all my daughter’s friends, the anger of the father of her daughter. I struggle with what would have been a promising life for her, taken from her in a moment. A moment when she chose to help someone. Think about that. My daughter Mikel was helping someone. She was killed while doing a good deed. Now I have moved to get away from all the horrible consequences that have resulted from that night when she was left abandoned and alone on the side of Highway I-10. As the reality of her death unfolded, I saw people I had known for many years change. They became angry, they did things they would not normally do, they took their anger out in ways that were not healthy and were destructive. My son to this day is not living the life I had hoped for him to live, nor has he agreed to counseling. My ex-husband got re-married and is now divorcing again. The father of my granddaughter is in jail, leaving my granddaughter without either parent. Me, I am rebuilding my life and living for her and what she would have experienced if she had not been taken so suddenly on that fateful night. There is not a moment I do not think of her since she was murdered. Everything I do, I do with the intent of giving my granddaughter Amaya a better life as she grows up. I worry for my granddaughter: I worry that I am the only one who tells her about her Mommy and how she grew up. I worry that Amaya will become angry as she grows older because she is without either parent now, and she has no real memories of her mother except those I give her through photos and memories. I have had counseling for her death, but still my health has suffered. I have had to wear a retainer for a year to re-adjust my jaw after grinding my teeth so badly at night while I slept. I have never had a good nights sleep since learning of her murder. I have had continuous health problems: recurring urinary tract infections, vertigo brought on by a virus that attacked my inner ear, and now that same virus attacking my body by way of shingles which has made it impossible for me to travel to this sentencing, a virus known to be only brought on by extreme stress. I believe that this stress of trying to bring justice for my daughter and her death has caused these problems. I am devastated that I can not be there in person to say this while looking at Christian Cvitanvich, who has never shown remorse for taking my daughter from so many that loved her. I want him to know her daughter will turn 7 in January and he left her motherless. Her brother will be 20, the age of Mikel when she died, and is suffering inside so much that he can not live a normal life, nor has he moved on like others would his age. Cvitanvich has left many saddened friends and relatives who still can make no sense of the needless death of a young mother who was only 20 but going to school to better herself, while also working, for her beloved daughter Amaya. I ask the court to give the maximum sentence under the guidelines described for this crime. He needs to have punishment for the crime of killing an innocent young mother who had stopped to help another human being. Why did he not do the same when he hit Mikel? Ask yourself that? He was most likely drunk. The selfishness about his future took priority over helping another human being. I wish my daughter had been selfish that night and not stopped, as she would still be alive. I wish that with all my heart. I will never be free of the terrible anxiety I get when I think “if only” she kept driving home to her precious daughter.”

The above statement is the real side of grief. Grief is not something that can get better with time, grief is with a person always. It stays, it lingers, it does not change. The only thing that changes is the person who experiences the grief. They have to make choices. They need to decide if they will grow stronger using the sadness inside of them to help others in the same situation, or if they will keep it inside and hide the sadness. They need to decide if they will fight to live a normal life, or grow depressed and withdraw from life. They need to work every single day to stay healthy and to have some sort of happiness, a happiness that is stripped from them by death. I have chosen to move forward. I am not always successful, but I am trying. This is the real side of grief.

There is still time for those who have not done so to fax a letter to the Honorable Judge Trudy White. Please be respectful and ask for the sentence to be the maximum under the guidelines. Every letter makes a difference and she has to consider them. This is the fax number: 225 389 4737.

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The Hummingbird Effect

Posted on October 7, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

The Hummingbird Effect.

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The Hummingbird Effect

Posted on October 6, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

The Hummingbird Effect.

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The Hummingbird Effect

Posted on October 6, 2014October 7, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

The Yupik culture of Eskimos have a belief that the soul never dies; even those of animals. They believe that the soul continues on even though the body is no longer with us. Elaborate winter ceremonies emphasized the relationship among humans, animals, and the spirit world. Hummingbirds also have that spiritual effect; Native American birds, animal symbols and totems are believed to represent the physical form of a spirit helper and guide. The meaning of the Hummingbird symbol was to signify peace, love and happiness. I have plenty of hummingbirds all around me here at Villa Migelita. My video’s are many; the most viewed is here. If any creature on this Earth represents the eternal soul I believe it is the hummingbird, with butterflies being a close second.

So what is this hummingbird effect? I believe they are little jewels of nature. There are many of us hummingbird lovers out there. We find them fascinating and mystical, these warriors with the ability to capture our hearts when they buzz around us. They can fly backwards with tail feathers spread while fighting over their territory. They seem to have no fear, even of humans who stand right next to them at the feeders. They are better than any jewelry I have owned; their sparkle in the light of the sun is better than any diamond. They are here year round at Villa Migelita. I have many at once even when it gets a bit cool during rainy season. Wherever you sit at my farm, you will hear their clicking wings beating a thousand beats per minute and then you will see them. They will be in the flowers, or at one of my strategically placed feeders. They will pay you no attention as they go about their business of drinking the nectar they need to survive while also being a sentry at their particular spot which they guard with ferocity. Such fierceness. Such independence. Such delightful antics.

I recently opened my Bed and Breakfast here in the mountains of Colombia. I was not completely ready but my two visitor’s from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico wanted to come anyway and stayed in the room that I have used for personal guests. They had seen the Hummingbird video I posted above and it drew them to my farm. Claudia, who contacted me, insisted it was not a problem that we were not actually open yet. She had to come to Colombia; she had to see for herself what a wonderful country this is and meet the girl who had a hummingbird stay on her finger and not want to leave. My first guests were like these tiny miracles; they brought their wit, spirituality, and peaceful presence to Villa Migelita. The moment I met them in person at the airport I felt a common bond of friendship that only happens when you know a person shares many of the same similarities as yourself. It is the hummingbird effect! Those lovely little jewels opened up my heart when I first moved to my farm and now they have brought me the friendship of two wonderful guests whom I celebrate in this blog.

How fast the week went; too fast as we shared adventures that I have longed to show others who enjoy nature, animals, beautiful surroundings, and peaceful solitude. Colombia is a wonderful jewel just like the hummingbird. A country of diversity, with many departments and two coasts; the Pacific and the Atlantic. A quick airline flight gets you from any of the beautiful departments in Colombia, all unique, all with much to offer. Before they visited Villa Migelita they went to Barranquilla and the coast to whale watch and actually snorkel with the whales! The first thing they did when they arrived here was wake up early from the song of a lovely bird that sings every morning to all of us at Villa Migelita. A lovely song to greet lovely people! They wandered the farm taking in the hummingbirds, but also the beauty and peacefulness that Villa Migelita offers. We have so many birds and butterflies your camera needs to be ready at any given moment! We wandered to the river and came back to have lunch and get ready for Parapente. You can see them taking off here (one of the guests Norma was already in the air) and meeting up in the sky with Claudia for a majestic journey over the beauty of the mountains. A thrilling experience, which started in the park of La Buitrera with the fun play of a baby horse and it’s mother which you can see here. I was enjoying every minute. What a wonderful first day!

The second day was a visit to El Paraiso and The Sugarcane Museum. Wonderful spots with lots of beauty and history. The hummingbirds that inhabit my adopted country are all around anywhere we go, where there are flowers there are hummingbirds in Colombia. We ended up having a really late lunch due to the time we took visiting both spots. It is difficult to leave Villa Migelita in the morning because sitting outside is so enjoyable! We would sit and watch the hummingbirds and of course Luci my rescued parrot would be outside with us also. Colombia closes early during the week and we had to see both spots, so lunch turned into an early dinner.! The third day was one of spiritual unity with nature when we visited La Chorrera the waterfall famous for healing. The park was empty; it was as if we had rented it out for ourselves. I have never been with a more entertaining person than Claudia who was introducing me to new music, a lot of fun stories and a great singing voice. She actually talks more than me! We had a traffic stop which are common here and she had the police officer so entertained he did not even look at our papers and was just interested in listening to her tell him how she was enjoying Colombia! I was laughing so hard when we left; I really have never seen anyone work the police like she did that day! She just is one of these people who has this aura all around them that attracts and generates good attention. We even had a donkey horse approach our truck at the entrance into the park of La Chorrera, which was in itself delightful. You can see it here and watch to the end because you can not miss Claudia break out in song! All went under the waterfall except me because of my vertigo, it is a strong stream of water and I was afraid of losing my footing. I did swim in the natural pool and we all had a lovely lunch. This video shows everyone going under the waterfall which legend says will heal you of all problems and cleanse your soul. Once again I thought of hummingbirds and spirituality because of two butterflies which stayed with us during the time we swam and enjoyed the waterfall. One was the famous number 89 butterfly which has my daughter’s birth year on the wings. We went later to the famous San Antonio area, a very trendy area of Cali for dining and shopping. The church which dates to the 16th century overlooks the park and town. We wandered the streets shopping and ended having tapas in a lovely restaurant that reminded me of many European towns I have visited as a flight attendant. This restaurant had butterflies on the walls everywhere, including the one I feel represents my deceased daughter with the number 89 on its wings, it was another spiritual connection. I was beginning to feel that Misha sent these two wonderful guests to be in my life! We really enjoyed this restaurant with the ambiance of another era, complete with a theater that showed old movies and had posters from long ago. Day 4 was to be horseback riding and then Nirvana the Natural Reserve, but we changed it up to go to Nirvana first. We did not leave Nirvana until it was almost dark. Horseback riding will wait until they visit again; which I have no doubt they will. Everyone comes back to Colombia once they have experienced the magic. We hiked to the very top of Nirvana and stayed to look at the view for a long time. We ran into one of the owners and visited his beautiful home overlooking the valley. When you reach the top which is only about a one mile walk (but feels like it is 10 miles!) there is a little tienda with beverages waiting and a view of Palmira Valle that is incredible. The walk back down goes quickly and Claudia hitched a ride on a motorcycle of one of the workers. I laughed out loud when she passed me by! The restaurant is outdoors and you can sit under the Jade Orchids where you will see more hummingbirds; I like to think of them as joining us while we dine. The wings of the hummers clicking along with the camera’s that are always nearby. That hummingbird effect goes everywhere with us!

Friday came way too fast and my guests did not want to do anything but sit outside at Villa Migelita and watch the hummingbirds. I had told Claudia she would see the exotic long-tailed hummingbird with the white tip on its tail. She saw it several times and even got a good video of it while it drank from the nectar of the Heliconia. This particular hummingbird is not a regular at my feeders; it comes to the flowering plants only. She was able to get a video in the light of the sun showing the exquisite iridescence of its feathers. All of my hummingbirds look dark but when in sunlight they sparkle like jewels when the sun catches them just right because their feathers are like little prisms reflecting the light . They can have spots on their necks with emerald on the bodies, they can have red beaks or black beaks, they can have red tails, or long green tails with white tips, they have brown with a touch of green, and some have no color until the sun hits them. There are many species at Villa Migelita, this is the long curved beak hummingbird here. This hummingbird is different and exotic, and does not fight nor mingle with the others. It is a lone breed that is all over my farm. I have seen many other long-tailed species in Colombia; but not at Villa Migelita. It is quite cool in the evenings and some breeds need a warmer climate and can be seen at many places around Colombia. I have visited a lovely restaurant on the other side of Cali that has feeders hanging while you eat and the kinds of hummingbirds they attract are much more colorful than mine here at the farm. I do have one species called the White-necked Jacobin which is always around my feeders and quite different from my darker green hummers. They are bright blue with a white neck.

The hummingbird effect is a real thing that many of you share with me. We know they represent spirituality. We know they bring peace. We know they represent all that is good in the world. I believe my daughter uses them all the time to send me signs. I think the hummingbird that would not leave was her; and that video has brought me my first guests to Villa Migelita. I also believe she is following me on my journey here in Colombia and wants my Bed and Breakfast to be a success. How can I fail with these little spiritual totems that surround me? I know I will have many more of you come visit Villa Migelita, because you want to see the hummingbirds while discovering the magical realism of Colombia. Colombia a little country with so much to do and see awaits your visit. We will welcome you with warmth and friendship. Come and see for yourself this beauty that is all around me. All you need to do is sit anywhere at Villa Migelita and hummingbirds will surround you. I have found what I want to do with the rest of my life; I want to share my lifestyle with others. I want to show everyone that there is still untouched beauty in this world, and I live it every day.

You can reach Villa Migelita at migelita555@gmail.com
My website is http://www.villamigelita.com
My Facebook page is http://www.facebook.com/VillaMigelita.

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Connections From the Past; Do they Shape Our Destiny?

Posted on September 28, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

Connections From the Past; Do they Shape Our Destiny?.

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Connections From the Past; Do they Shape Our Destiny?

Posted on September 28, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

“The Universe wants to be noticed” I love this quote from a book I just read. No matter how hard we try to control our lives something always steps in and changes the outcome. I believe it is the Universe and we should take notice. We often have fleeting messages in our minds that we should pay attention to. We also have instances where situations are similar to our past which bring memories back to us; again the Universe. I was not aware during all those years long gone in my younger days that my thoughts and my life connections would determine my future. We all have this ability to see the unfolding of our lives if we pay attention to those moments in our minds or in our relationships that can convey to us to change a path we are on. Think to yourself how many times you look back on a period of time and wonder ‘if only’ or ‘I should have seen that coming.’ Is it really possible that we can shape our own destiny or does our life unfold according to a pre-determined plan the day we enter this world?

When my children were born I knew they would have the best and brightest futures. I devoted myself to caring for them with all my heart. The future I envisioned was one of greatness for them both. I knew they would grow to be well-educated productive members of society. I spent many nights worrying about the schools they would attend and who they would be influenced by; I was financially able to put them in the best schools thinking this would keep them safe from the kids that could shape them negatively. Little did I know that in every school, church, synagogue, work place, summer camps, summer vacations, there are bad influences. I even know my own daughter was a bad influence to my son before she passed. So where does this leave us? As my life unfolded, so did the people who entered my life, whether through the schools, neighborhood, friendships from work, friendships through my children’s friends,the families of my ex-husbands and on and on. The list is endless.

I now believe there is nothing we can do to change the trajectory of our future, unless we listen to our inner voice and follow its direction. When we feel unease around someone we should not make that person a friend, when we feel uncomfortable with a decision we should look for an alternative, when we are unhappy in our lives we should change the situation even when it is difficult or next to impossible. I know it is not easy to make changes when you are firmly entrenched in your life, your job, your family and you do not want to hurt those loved ones around you. I know this because I chose to stay in a bad marriage, which is one of those ‘if only’ thoughts I have often. If only I had left when my kids were young, I could have avoided the tragedy that unfolded as they grew into teenagers with a husband that was not united with me on anything. If only I had not married him when I left him during our courtship, but let my father influence me to go back to him because of his profession. If only I had not stood idly by when his sister’s kid bullied Misha every chance he could and no one said or did anything except me. If only I had not let my daughter influence me to put her in another school when she was in 7th grade, she would not have met the friend that changed her in a way that made the following years so difficult for me and my relationship with Misha. If only I had more time with my children, and did not have to care for my elderly mother who had dementia and also work as a flight attendant. If only, if only, if only!

Flash forward to now. I do that ‘if only’ thing way too much. I have always had a 6th sense; my mother had it too. However, I have never acted on those random thoughts that are actually the Universe telling us to be prepared. I know this because before Misha’s death I had two very strong thoughts about her death. One was so clear that I called my best friend, and I did not act on this thought. I wish I had. I wish, I wish, I wish! Oh so many things could be different, but then again “the Universe wants to be noticed.” I have to stop all of this because I would not have my son, I would not have Amaya my beloved grandchild, I would not have Villa Migelita my wonderful new home and Bed and Breakfast in Colombia, I would not have the life I have lived and the lessons I have learned. I actually do not think that any of us can change our trajectory; I believe we have a life that is given to us at birth and how we deal with the lessons that unfold is what shapes our futures. However, I do believe our past connections are involved in our future life but even if we listen to that annoying thought that tells us we should not do something, or befriend someone, or marry someone, or act on an impulse about something, we will still have an outcome that was destined to be our life and only our life. I heard an interview recently with a clothing designer who said women are all very strong, but it takes a tragedy for them to show the strength they have laying dormant inside them. That line spoke to me. I have had tragedies before my daughter’s death, and I have shown my strength many times in my life. Now my strength is who I am, not something I show in crisis. I am strong, self reliant and a good example. I always have been; but it took my daughter’s death for me to show others who might not have thought this of me.

I recently was in Florida and spent time with my grandchild. We went to The Chesapeake Resort in Islamorada to see a friend I met through my FB page Villa Migelita. I would not have met her without a friendship I had with someone else. I am no longer friends with this person as I have learned to listen to my thoughts and feelings. However, she passed through my life to bring me to this wonderful new friend. I wrote about the connection to the mermaid painting in this blog. When I visited once again after a lovely invite from Ilona to please come down and bring Amaya, I felt that spiritual connection again. This time through Ilona’s mother who she takes care of just like I did my mother. We arrived on a Friday evening after a quick 2 hour drive and were greeted with such warmth and love. I met her mother when I was there in October of 2013 and loved her spunk, her wonderful intellect and her ability to project her thoughts and her 6th sense. Yes, Nana has a very spiritual side with a presence of love in her aura. What I found fascinating is the way Amaya wanted to spend time with Nana who is usually sitting in a recliner in a lovely room looking out at the beautiful nature of the Keys. My own mother spent her final days in a beautiful room looking out at nature also. My daughter Misha was very close with my mother, to the point that she would do her homework in the room my mother lived in, help me with my mother before it became to difficult for us to care for her by ourselves. Amaya and I had dinner with Ilona and her partner, and Amaya got up and left on her own to sit with Nana, not near Nana on the couch but with Nana in her chair. They had serious conversations, they watched a Disney movie together, Nana talked to Amaya like she was her own grandchild. I was surprised as little kids usually do not go to older people on their own, but Amaya wanted to be with her. Amaya loves Nana. I think they have a connection that I can not explain, but I had Déjà vu from my time with my own daughter and her connection to my mother. The next day as soon as Amaya woke up she asked to go to the mermaid painting. We went and she sat and contemplated that painting a long time; she is only 6 so believe me when I say she sat still for a long time! We stayed two nights at The Chesapeake Resort and the next evening had dinner again at Ilona’s personal home with her family and Nana. Again, Amaya ate and then went to be with Nana. It was extraordinary, it was delightful. I snuck near them to hear their conversation and it was all about how special Amaya was, how she was a wonderful girl, how lovely she was, what a good person she would grow to be. I was teary eyed. When we left the next morning we stopped by the house to say goodbye. Amaya ran up the stairs and went to find Nana, and Ilona told me a beautiful Finch had been circling the house for a few days, but today it was hitting the window. I saw the Finch. It was gorgeous; it rested when it saw Amaya and I in the house on the hammock situated outside on her balcony. It looked at me for a long while then it started flying around the house in circles again stopping to peer in at Amaya and Nana. I know it was Misha; she always sends birds.

Footnotes:
The Fault In Our Stars by John Green is the book I took the quote from “the Universe wants to be noticed”
The Chesapeake Resort in Islamorada is owned by my friend Ilona and I highly recommend it to anyone who visits the Keys.

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Lessons, Learning, Loving

Posted on August 23, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

Lessons, Learning, Loving.

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Lessons, Learning, Loving

Posted on August 23, 2014August 23, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

I have lived on my farm in Colombia, South America for over three years now, and what a learning experience it has been! When I first moved into Villa Migelita, I was not pleased with the way life on the farm was turning out. I had moved from a house in a small thriving city that I could walk down and get bread in the morning, or go to the pizza place at night. I had access to a store with fruits and vegetables, most anything I could need. I had neighbors and family nearby. My quest for the perfect farm was fun. We looked a lot; it was interesting and the farms were all beautiful, but they all had something that I did not like or not suitable for my needs. Then one day I saw Villa Migelita. I knew from the moment I set my eyes on my Villa she was the one I had searched for. She was old; close to 100 years on this earth. She was in need of lots of renovation, but her basic structure was so perfect it reminded me of Italian Villa’s that I had seen during my travels as a flight attendant. Then I took some photo’s and one photo had an orb in the picture and I knew this was my deceased daughter Misha telling me this was my farm, the one I had searched for; a clear sign from her. I made an offer and soon was the proud owner of Villa Migelita.

January of 2012 was the month I finally accomplished my life long dream of retiring in the mountains, a dream I have had since spending summers in Tennessee as my children grew up. Villa Migelita had basic renovations completed before my move. Her rooms were all painted; along with adding large windows throughout the house. All the views surrounding her were magnificent. She still needed much work, but living there would be fine; or so I thought. My first months were a learning experience. Colombia has two seasons; rainy and dry. There is no real seasonal change here in my department of Valle del Cauca, Colombia. I loved the temperature immediately upon moving in. Very chilly in the mornings and evenings; enough to always need a jacket, but then by the middle of the day comfortable without a jacket and no need of air conditioning. The doors and windows were always open with the fresh breeze flowing throughout my home. My animals were thrilled with the wide open spaces they had to wander the farm, and the dogs loved the walks they took with me while I discovered the mountains and rivers nearby. Sounds perfect; but then little things started happening that I was not so happy with. The rain would cause mud, mud would be all over the house, patio and my laundry area as my dogs would walk in it and carry mud wherever they went. One day I was down in the laundry area and there were little worms everywhere! I was horrified. My gas water heater did not work with the plumbing and would either let out scalding water or not work and the water would be ice-cold. The first week I threw a tantrum of sorts after not having a hot shower. I look back at that morning and laugh now. It was a simple fix of just buying electric shower heads. The construction was ongoing, and I knew things would get better, however I was neglecting to see the beauty around me and focusing on the annoyances. Going to get groceries or going to a restaurant seemed a far distance now. I thought to myself “Could I have misjudged my love of solitude and life in the mountains?” I started to dislike the rain, even though I have always loved rainy days. I started to feel lonely, even though I have always loved spending time without a lot of people around. I started to second guess myself. Along with that I had not been to the States for a very long time and I missed my friends and family. I booked a trip to the USA to get a taste of my old life.

Going to the States was exactly what I needed. I was not used to the big highways and hectic lifestyle of the United States,I realized this the minute I drove my rental car on I-95 from Miami International Airport. YIKES. My first big wake-up was getting used to the traffic I encountered. I had lived in Colombia for over a year and had gotten used to small towns, simple living and nature. I will admit the Colombian’s drive crazy, but the roads in the city are small and when I drive I go slow and take my time; if you do not drive slow you will hit a bicycle, horse-drawn carriage, wheelchair, pedestrian or someone pushing a cart with fruits or juice for sale! Another thing I noticed immediately was no one really looks you in the eye in Florida (and anywhere I travel when in the States), nor do they say hello when you walk into an office or store. In Colombia it is considered impolite to not acknowledge others when in offices or entering any building or business. This is a cultural difference between the two countries. I had forgotten that the people of the USA are more involved with their phones and electronic devices than connecting to the world by smiling and even just looking up from their phones. I had been just like this when I lived in Florida, my phone was always in my hand wherever I went. I have a little phone now in Colombia, it is a basic Nokia you all had in the 1990’s! I have a pre-paid phone without internet in the States. I had completely lost the habit of constantly being online, I had changed from my old ways to a new way of thinking and living. I did enjoy running to the drug store, or going to the super stores of all kinds. We do have some huge stores in Cali, Colombia along with malls and huge construction stores in both Palmira and Cali, however it is never a short drive to them like it is in the States. I found the shopping fun while I was back in Florida, but again it was so impersonal. The crowds inside all the stores would make me feel anxious. This was new to me; almost like I had never lived and grown up in South Florida. How did I change so quickly and forget the way I used to live? Colombia was my way of life now and by returning to South Florida I was able to see this clearly.

When I came home to Villa Migelita, my animals were all awaiting me with such love. I saw that some changes had taken place with a fence being constructed around the patio to help keep the mud at bay when it rained. The garbage from all the continuing construction had been burned and taken away. The little worms that had appeared never came back. The laundry room had been organized and cleaned up perfectly, and it was huge. I now had a perfect place to feed the animals and keep cleaning supplies. I will admit that I missed a dryer when I first moved up to the mountains. In the small town where I had rented before moving, the house had a laundry area inside and the clothes dried quickly on the line. During rainy season it can take a couple of days for clothes to dry on the line. I got used to it, and now I would never even consider owning a dryer. I like the way I can just take my clothes right from the line on a hanger and put them in my closet. I also realized I was a minimalist now. I have no need for a bunch of new clothes or the latest electronic device. I am so backward I have no idea how to work an I pad and am just now considering buying one. I know that sounds funny to everyone, but it is how I live. My trip to the States gave me a lesson I needed to see. I really loved the life I now was living in the mountains and I just could not see it when I first moved into a house that still needed a lot of work. When I came back I had a learned a valuable lesson; I was not whom I used to be, I was evolving and sometimes when we evolve we need a wake-up call to see just that!

So now I am almost done with the last phase of construction at Villa Migelita. Villa Migelita has been a work in progress for 2 plus years. I have become one with nature. I have made my outside farm beautiful by hiring a farm manager that keeps the flowers and plants in perfect condition. I have a huge front entrance gate that will have a sign welcoming my guests of my soon to open Bed and Breakfast. The entrance road to my house is lined with blooming flowers. I have hummingbird feeders everywhere. I have two beautiful kiosko’s that are perfect places to sit and read a book, while hummingbirds buzz by you. Hammocks are all around to take a little siesta. My lake was repaired and the landscaping is now full of plants I picked out and they are flourishing. I have acquired a menagerie of animals, and they all leave peacefully with each other. The mud problem is no longer an issue; but my dogs do have dirty feet sometimes and I don’t care. They are my loves; they are my friends. I have learned to let go of things that took me a lifetime to learn. I have learned to let go and let be. As I write this I look outside at the hummingbirds feeding and resting on the lemon tree. I have no desire to return to fancy clothes, jewelry and cars. I do not think there is anything wrong with that lifestyle, I lived it for years. I just like this lifestyle better. I have learned to love solitude. I have learned to love and appreciate seeing a butterfly land on my finger, or a hummingbird fly inside to visit me, which you can view here.

I have realized the longer I live here in the mountains of Colombia the closer I am to accomplishing my dream of a Bed and Breakfast. This dream was always in my thoughts when I first moved to Villa Migelita. I was always considering this dream in the back of my mind as I continued to update my home. Then one day I decided to go for it. After all I had been a flight attendant for years and I love people, getting to know new friends, and entertaining in my home. What better way to do that than to bring people to see what I have accomplished in a short period? To show others you can fulfill your secret desires even when faced with crippling pain like the death of my daughter. Now I am so close to opening, it will happen soon. I am ready. I have no more frustrations or second guessing. I have only optimism for my future. I have learned to love myself for the person I have become since the past sadness I have endured. I want to show others it is not necessary to let life’s worst circumstances take you down. My future is firmly embedded here in the mountains of Colombia. I will prevail. This is Villa Migelita now. This is the view from the 4th floor balcony which looks out over the valley.

Villa Migelita is a two short months from completion. My website is http://www.villamigelita.com with all the information in the tabs. I will have more pictures soon, but you can always look at my Facebook page Villa Migelita for continuing updates on the progress of the Bed and Breakfast and more of fun videos of my life and my animals in the mountains of Colombia.

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A Psychic/Medium Visits Villa Migelita

Posted on August 8, 2014August 8, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

When the Medium arrived at Villa Migelita we went to the stables and into a small private room that is part of this building which is separate from my main house. She wanted complete silence and privacy. She had me sit in a chair across from her. I will not show how she does her readings as that is knowledge she has from generations before her. She prays before every name presented and acknowledges her gift is from God. She is very religious. She speaks very quietly when she talks, it was hard to hear her at times. She is a bit of everything; psychic, healer, and medium. My experience was well worth the time and was absolutely fascinating to me; she told me things she had no way of knowing. She was spot on with much of what she said to me. It is important for everyone who reads this to know that she did not enter my main house until after the session, she had no views of any photo’s in my house. She did not know my name until I told it to her. She speaks Spanish only and would not have access to any history of me through my social media nor had she seen my Facebook pages. Everything I write is as she told it to me.

She started by telling me things about my health. She mentioned I had pain in my legs, that this pain awoke me at night. I do get cramps at night in my feet and calves that make me jump out of bed. She mentioned my head, asking what caused me the discomfort I experience? This of course is vertigo, which I have struggled with for almost one year. She mentioned I had some back problems from an accident long ago, but felt I was doing better with that pain. All true so far. She said she saw money around me, money people are trying to hide from me, which made me think of my daughter’s death and the guy who killed her. She saw a dark-skinned person in my life, saying he was the color of her skin. She saw protective spirits always near me, they watched over me. She said signs surrounded me that came to me as messengers. She wanted to know who the beautiful child with coffee-colored skin was? She said she was lovely and that she felt her presence in my aura. I did not answer her questions as I had more people to ask about, and did not want to give her any information. She saw success around me, she mentioned that many people would be visiting her beautiful country because of me. She said there was someone from my past that wished harm to me and my new life, but not to worry as he was not a person of God and bad karma would come to him from many things he has done. She said this person had recently cheated me with money that involved my former home in the United States. This really shocked me because I had just found this out. She saw a deep sadness, but also strength inside my heart. She said I moved to her country for peace, and that I would find it here in Colombia. She described me as a flower opening to the fullness of life. She finished with me by saying she saw a person that looked like me but was younger who was strongly present during her reading of me. She said she sends you messages through hummingbirds and butterflies, and just then a hummingbird flew inside the dark little room and stayed for a moment. I had chills.

I gave her my daughter’s name next. She had to repeat her name a few times to pronounce it correctly. Then she was quiet for a few minutes and said “She is not of this world, I sense cold.” She then repeated there is a dark-skinned person in her aura, the same color of my skin, he is the father of the child I saw before. She said “This is your daughter? She looks like you. She died from betrayal. She had bad people around her when she died.” She emphasized that “Misha wanted me to continue trying to get justice for her death.” She then described in great detail the night of the murder. She said there was involvement by the person whom she was trying to help, meaning the woman in the car that she saw get hit by a car that left the scene. You can read the article here. She said that the man who killed her could have swerved, but deliberately hit Misha with his car. She said Misha was told to stop by someone as she hurried to help the person in the car she saw get hit. She again repeated that Misha’s death was a deliberate act, she also was emphatic that another person was involved on the night of her death. Once again she said there was a lot of money around my daughter’s death that people were trying to hide from me. She said “This money is the reason that justice has not been served.” She wanted me to know Misha came to me the night of her death, that she woke me up as she left this Earth to go to the spiritual plane. She saw a lot of love around Misha but also a lot of regrets. She mentioned Misha wanted my grandchild with me more, and that she saw that happening in the future. She said Misha is with her daughter all the time, she even talked about a time when I was on the beach with Amaya. She mentioned I was with an old friend and that friend also knew my daughter when she was young. She said “Misha talked to Amaya that day, she told Amaya she was her guardian angel.” I had a very dear friend contact me the next day that she dreamt of Misha on the beach with Amaya and the dream was so real she had to tell me! She finished by saying Misha knew the man who killed her, that Misha had repeatedly tried to get this man to leave her alone. She did not say how they knew one another, but that Misha told him she was not interested in him. He was stalking Misha. She described the killer’s looks exactly, short, fat, with a name that sounded foreign. She ended the session about Misha by saying that as I always did in life Misha was counting on me to defend her in her death. She wants to see justice so she can rest in peace. The last thing she said floored me “Misha says a man who looks like you with blue eyes and white skin is going to help you get justice.” The only person she could be talking about is my best friend, a lawyer who has helped me from the beginning of this travesty, he will be attending the trial with me when it takes place. He has done so much to help me since her death I can never thank him enough.

Then we went on to my ex-husband’s name. She said “This man is very depressed. He has become mean and spiteful, his wife just left him.” “This is the same man I saw that cheated you with the house” She went on to say that he was “spreading horrible chisme (malicious gossip in Spanish) about his current wife, which he had done with me also, and that karma would take care of his treachery.” She said my ex was responsible for saying “lies about me and making my friends from my former job unkind to me because they believed the lies.” She asked ” Was I involved in work at some point that involved airplanes?” Wow. Just unbelievable. No one knew my ex’s current wife had left him and contacted me, nor how could she know I worked on airplanes? I gave her my son’s name next. She said “Your son is very angry with the world, he has never had help with his sister’s death.” I did not tell her Misha was his sister nor I was his mother! “He just moved to a new house and is very unhappy.” How could she know these things? “He loves you but he is so angry about the time of the divorce and his sister’s death.” “He will be back in your life when he is a bit older.” How could she know these things?

We talked about a lot of people in my life, I gave her names and she responded. I included my mother and father who are both deceased, my brother, and Misha’s best friend and roommate at the time of her death. She said my father went from this world angry with his death, that he had problems in and around his lung, which she used her hand to show me on herself. All about my father was true. She got my mother mixed with my brother saying there were a lot of strokes around my brother…but actually it was my mother who had many strokes. She said my mother was with everyone she loved, including Misha and that her sister had just joined her. Again, how could she know these things? She finished by emphasizing that Misha wanted me to continue to pursue and do what I am doing to bring the killer to trial. Her killer is free on bail, showing no remorse and posts regularly on his Facebook page always with a drink in his hand, smiling, flaunting his freedom. It makes my stomach turn to see his face. My daughter Misha would be alive but for his callous disregard for human life, leaving the scene after he hit her and then stopping a few miles later to change his tire, and then remove the front bumper of his car that was hanging from the impact of her body. Misha would be getting ready for her daughter to start 1st grade. Misha would be finished with the college degree she was working on. She would be done with all the stuff our children do while trying to find themselves, Misha would be mothering her daughter and moving forward in life. Her killer lives normally, without restrictions of any kind because of family money and influence in the state of Louisiana. I have tried everything to get a trial to go forth. I have had everyone write to the Victim’s Advocate. I asked everyone to write the District Attorney’s office and to the judge Honorable Trudy M White. I have traveled to Baton Rouge to publicize the lack of justice in her murder. There is an online petition which needs only 60 signatures to get to 1000 and then I will send it to the State’s Senator. All of this in my pursuit of justice for my daughter.. The petition is here and I ask you to please sign in remembrance of Mikel (Misha) Carson. There is a trial scheduled for September 2nd. I pray that my daughter will see the justice she deserves from above.

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Life by the River

Posted on July 18, 2014 by hummingsfromparadise

I recently visited two small villages in Colombia and thoroughly enjoyed the beauty that surrounds them, and the thriving culture they have based on the rivers that support their communities. They have very humble homes, the hotels are very basic rooms, but very clean. The prices so reasonable. In Zabaleta’s I stayed right on the river with the most incredible view that the room did not matter because sitting outside on the balcony and watching the sunrise was awe-inspiring. These little pueblo’s have thriving populations and little stores with everything you could need. The restaurants are outside of people’s actual homes with the most delicious Colombian food, shrimp from the rivers and seafood from the coast of Buenaventura including lobster. Zabaleta’s, Colombia is known for their river of extreme beauty while San Cipriano, Colombia is known for the motorcycle powered tram that is the only way to get to their village AFTER you cross the hanging bridge which is intimidating. The river in San Cipriano is known for the swimming, tubing and snorkeling. The river in Zabaleta is known for its exquisite beauty. The farms along this gorgeous waterway are available for rent, which during certain times of the year both pueblo’s have not a single room or place available. In Zabaleta’s canoe’s will take you anywhere you want to go, picking you up at your hotel or at any farm. In San Cipriano you hire guides who will carry your tubes and take you to an exquisite waterfall.

San Cipriano is a 4 hour drive from Villa Migelita. Riding the motorcycle tram along with tubing fun and hiking in this beautiful spot was amazing. We left the Villa in the mid morning and were on the river tubing by 4pm and stayed in the water for 2 hours. The water was clean, and warm, I was surprised by the temperature! We brought wine with us and just drifted along laughing and enjoying the birds, sounds and sights of this lovely river. I have tubed in the mountains of Tennessee when my children were growing up and remember the rivers there to be like ice. This river was refreshing. The late afternoon tube ride was a blast. After the tubing we walked all around the village and had so much fun looking at other hostels and talking with the locals. We met our guide for the next day and arranged to have him pick us up the next morning for a long hike to a beautiful waterfall in the nearby rainforest. It was a challenging hike, with beautiful views and lot’s of butterflies and birds. Our guide told us that it is very important to have a person of knowledge take us on this journey because some tourists had just gotten lost on the same hike and were not found for 7 days! The result at the end of this challenging hike was a lovely waterfall that was surrounded by a natural pool. We all went swimming and it was a beautiful experience to go underneath the waterfall and let the water run over our bodies. . We stayed for a while and met up with another guide with tourists and walked down with them. The walk down was quick, and our tubes were waiting for another fun tubing experience after such a strenuous hike. We floated along, snorkeling and enjoying a perfect day. After lunch it was time to end our fun excursion and once again we took the tram. There is an actual little train station that you sit and wait for the tram. The tram is a delightful experience, we piled on with our luggage and dogs and took off with smiles on our faces.

While I thoroughly enjoyed San Cipriano, I had some problems with the hotel where I stayed. I would recommend to anyone who is going to visit San Cipriano to check out all the hotels on arrival. This is easy to do with all the guides that meet the tram when it stops in San Cipriano. The people are quite friendly and love to show off their hotels and cabana’s. We were cheated on the price of a meal at the hotel we stayed at. This hotel is called Don Hatel Cabana’s and Restaurant. I would definitely say do not stay there! The room had a private bath, but was nothing fancy. No TV, no space to put your articles of clothing or accessories. The shower, toilet, and sink were all together in a straight line, so when you showered the sink and toilet got wet. The restaurant was an outdoor kitchen in another building that also had rooms for rent. The food was just ok and when we went to pay the bill the proprietor doubled the price on us because she assumed I did not speak Spanish nor thought I lived in Colombia and would not know she was cheating us. Imagine her surprise when I challenged her in Spanish. I told her I would pay the bill but would find out if it was correct from other restaurants and hotels in the village. Well, it was not correct as the other restaurants were surprised by the amount she asked, and told me so! When we checked out I discounted what I paid for the room, after speaking in Spanish in front of other paying guests that she had cheated me. I asked those guests how much they were charged for the meals they were eating and it was half the price we had been charged. I told all of them of her cheating ways as they looked at her with disgust. Colombian’s love Americans and find such behavior abhorrent. She sent an employee running after me, but I ignored him and then went to another hotel for lunch and was asked how I enjoyed their village. I gave the name of the hotel I stayed at and told them of my bad experience. It will take her a long time to live down what she did to me with the other hotel proprietor’s in San Cipriano. I am sure she will think twice the next time an American visits her hotel. San Cipriano is wonderful and I would highly recommend the journey to anyone visiting Colombia, just make sure you compare prices and ask what the cost of a meal is before you eat!

The village of Zabaleta is a similar experience but is smaller and has more farms along their river. The canoes that will pick you up right at your front door (well almost) are wooden and handmade by the locals. Upon arrival in this quaint spot, we were met by many locals who gave us a nice place to park our truck and took us around to local hotels. We chose a very basic room with the bathroom down the hall. The views were incredible and the experience here absolutely perfect. I have had many experiences in my life, lot’s of camping trips, and Zabaleta’s is a place where I want to return to again and again. The charm factor is off the chart! The people of this village delightful. I loved every second I was there, even the room which was just a basic room with a bed. I slept well and will always remember watching the sunrise. The locals were delightful and the food just delicious. I can assure those who love coffee there is nothing like the home brewed coffee on the wood stove! The most wonderful part of Zabaleta’s is the children. They come along with their parent on the canoe ride. They are always smiling. Can anyone ask for a better experience?

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