Tag: love

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Sisterhood: Friendship and Fun in Colombia.

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Today Was a Good Day.”

I just hosted two of my long time friends at my Villa in Colombia. We had not been together for over thirty years. The 1980’s were our prime, but we still feel young at heart, although many years have passed since those good old days of dancing and clubbing when we were young flight attendants. Our reunion was one that novels are written about, one where we recall all of our old adventures while living new ones. Our first day together was glorious. We spent the day in Buga, Colombia, hiking, swimming under a waterfall, enjoying a Colombian family dinner in an old hacienda, then visiting the famous church Basilica de los Milagros in one of the oldest cities in Colombia. This was a day of new memories, a day that made us feel young again, a day of delightful happiness with the sun shining and the beauty of Colombia surrounding us.

Janet and Elaine at VM 005
A Shared Embrace
Michele taking a photo
Taking photos in the old hacienda

We started the night before when the three of us reunited at the airport. What a moment the three of us shared when we hugged. Tears were close as we talked over each other. Who would think our reunion would be at Villa Migelita, my Bed and Breakfast in Colombia, South America?  We awoke the next day to a beautiful sunny day as we embarked on a drive to Buga and the 150 year old hacienda that is a private residence with history. A place most tourists will never see. The waterfall and natural pool is on this property. We are given a tour of the home and then we are off for a short hike to swim under the cascade. We can smell the aroma of the food cooking as we leave. The dining table set for a meal of Vegetarian dishes, a special request honored by the lady of the house. The fun is just starting! We leave through the old doors that look out to beauty words cannot describe. You have to see it in person. It is exactly as it was many years ago…and we hear children in the family laughing as we start our hike. A sound that never changes no matter the century.

Janet and Elaine at VM 031
Table is set with the Colombian flair
Janet and Elaine at VM 024
The doors open to Paradise
Janet and Elaine at VM 046
Pure happiness

The hike is short and not very strenuous. We pass sugarcane fields and little rivers. Butterflies are abundant, while they stop for a drink and flutter around us. We arrive and change into our swimwear right there by the natural pool. We laugh and laugh as we remember memories of our past times. We are delighted with ourselves and that we have actually reunited in Colombia of all places. My friend Janet has to coax me into the water. I am nervous as I have vertigo and everything is a challenge to me, she has to go in a few times to show me how I will enter and exit the water. I finally get in after I watch her go under the falls. I enter and am immediately refreshed. Life is good. Life is amazing. Life is what we make of it.

Janet and Elaine at VM 054
That is me floating next to Elaine
Janet and Elaine at VM 063
A Butterfly along the way

We spend a while relaxing and swimming and then it is time to venture back to the hacienda for lunch. More butterflies surround us. We have definitely worked up an appetite! We arrive back to this old home with only two bathrooms! We have to wait our turn to change into dry clothes. Part of the adventure! We sit down to an amazing meal! We share stories with everyone, and my dear friends experience a Colombian meal in a family situation. They talked about how they enjoyed this unique opportunity of sharing a meal with a Colombian family in their home. We left with a full stomach to venture into Buga and the church of the miracle Basilica de los Milagros.

This church is very special.  No matter your religion, or no religion it is a miracle that happened. I wrote of the miracle . I classify myself as spiritual. I believe this Jesus that is displayed behind the glass is the result of this miracle. I really do. It is like no other crucifix I have ever seen. It is a very sacred moment for anyone who stands before him. It is not important what you believe. It is a a moment to save for your memories. We leave quietly and with peace in our hearts. We wander the streets of Buga to shop and sight-see. We run into people I know and sit with them for a while. The day was perfect. It was a day made to remember for years to come. A day of friendship, laughter and fun.

Janet and Elaine at VM 068
Buga the city
Janet and Elaine at VM 074
Sitting with friends
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An Ode to Orion

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

10459092_689725637760172_5238165932732310864_oDear Orion,

You make my heart smile. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were special. You were desperate for a home, you had too many owners in your short life. You were thin, your ribs showed. You were very big, intimidating by your size, but your eyes were so sad. I fell in love with those eyes, you looked scared and you were hungry. Previous owners had no idea what your breed was, they thought they were getting a Pitbull. You grew so large and they couldn’t accommodate your needs. You needed to be able to run and play. You required food twice a day, real dog food not leftovers from the kitchen. You wanted a home and I was ready and willing to take you when a neighbor came and knocked on my door. She only had you for two days, she was the fourth house you had lived at. I will never forget how scared you looked that first day you entered my life. Your eyes were desperate. No wonder you were sad , you felt unloved, unworthy, no one wanted you. They lost out. You are the most magnificent animal: one who protects and serves for life. You are also a wild child full of playful energy. Your breed is a Dogo Argentino. I often wish I could have seen you as a little puppy. You are so intelligent. I have read that dogs know and understand as many words as a six-year-old. You know so much more than words, you know the language of life. Now I have to see you laying still with a wire in your leg, sitting in the grass while your pack plays around you.Hike and Orion injury 015

You play too hard, run too hard, and show off for your pack. I worry incessantly about you since you had already had a break before. That break was in your front paw, a very strange place. I saw you trip that day running down the stairs…your body is heavy on your legs when you fall. Oh, what a process that was. You would not stay still, you had a screw in the very tip of your pad. It was over six months of constant supervision and you not doing what should be done; which is rest. You ran, you played and nothing could keep you down, not even the cast that was constantly improved. You finally healed and I remember thinking “please never again!” However, here we are again, because you can’t stop when your pack calls you to play. I close the gates to the lake, but someone always opens them up and leaves them open. You love the water. I have no idea how you did this horrific injury but I am sure it was in the lake. When you enter the lake with supervision you are fine, but when you can just do what you want this is what happens. Never again will you be able to run free into the lake showing off, I will make sure of that. You cannot endure another injury. I cannot endure another injury on you.

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My daughter’s birth year on a butterfly native to Colombia

The day of your surgery I awoke and went to you. I sat next to you just loving on you. I was very distressed to think you would be going under anesthesia just like humans do. I  stayed with you and prayed for a good outcome. The surgeon is very famous in Cali, Colombia for his skills. He had just recently put a dogs leg back together who had been shot and the bone shattered. He used a metal rod to connect the bone. When I heard of his success stories I knew you would be fine, but still I could not get over the feeling of trepidation inside my stomach. I did not get much done the day of your surgery. I was watching a movie, waiting for word on when you would be put under and there was the most amazing sign that came in the form of the #89 butterfly. This butterfly is native to Colombia and has the birth year of my daughter on its wings. It came to the windows surrounding the Villa Migelita Suite, and stayed for five minutes. I knew then that you would be fine. You were a gift from Misha. I know she was sending me a sign to calm me down. I was able to relax after the visit from this gorgeous butterfly.

So here we go again: another break, another healing process. I have asked so many to pray and send healing energy to you these last few days. It is all I can do besides making you comfortable. Please my Orion, no more. Stay still, heal and let us all love your magnificent self.hike and poco 004

 

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Baby: A Story of Rescue

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

Baby is a twelve-year-old yellow Lab who was going to be sent to a shelter because her owner was moving and did not want to take her with him. She had lived her life with loyalty to her human but he was not showing loyalty to her. In fact, he actually never treated her as one should treat a cared for pet, he left her outside on a patio her whole life. She has scars on her body from laying on cold, hard concrete, without a bed for her comfort, not even a blanket. Yet, Baby loved the only family she knew. Her owner knew she would be put to sleep and would have surrendered her to a shelter if my dear friend Madeline had not stepped in to save her. Madeline owned the house he was renting and he had told her he was moving to another state. She asked about Baby “what were his plans for her?” Madeline is an activist in her spare time for animal rights. She is also a Delta Air Lines flight attendant and my friend of over 30 years.  She posted about a senior dog needing a loving home and I immediately offered to post it on my page Villa Migelita. If we could not find a home for her they could send her to me here in Colombia, although I knew it would be a traumatic trip as I brought a senior dog here myself when I moved from the USA to Colombia. The thought of leaving any of my animals behind never entered my mind and that is why I was so adamant to help. This blog is a story of friendship, kindness and the unified efforts of six women to save Baby and get her to her new home in Kentucky. Baby would never have had her home with Lisa her new owner, but for a series of events that led her to my page. When I put the post on my page the outpouring of heartfelt sadness and anger that someone could do this to an older animal was immediate. People shared the post, friends offered to help.  Lisa came to the thread saying without a moment’s hesitation she would take Baby into her home in Kentucky. Within a day the six of us had rescued Baby and were trying to find a way to get her to Lisa’s home in Kentucky from South Miami.

Lisa just happened to see a video I posted of a hummingbird trapped in a window here at my house in Colombia on March 25th of this year. She had a friend who had liked my video and it showed up in her news feed on Facebook. She loved this little hummingbird and the way I held it in my hand and let it go and could only think of her beloved dog Chevy who had passed recently. Lisa went to my page and saw the post about Baby being abandoned and in need of a new home. My post moved her and she wrote that she would take Baby all the while remembering what she had whispered into Chevy’s ears as he drew his last breath. “Chevy, I love you so much and will feel you close to me when the hummingbirds return soon.”  As she wrote to me that she indeed wanted to give Baby a loving home, she thought it was no coincidence she found Villa Migelita because of this little hummingbird. “Could this hummingbird be Chevy’s message to her from the Rainbow Bridge?” Her thoughts were that she should have Baby in her home just as the hummingbirds would be arriving in April. Her whispered comment into Chevy’s ear that sad day were so fresh in her mind, a moment embedded in her heart for all eternity. So this story begins with an ending, an ending of a life of a treasured pet. Now Lisa was waiting to get Baby to her new home and shower love and kindness on her for the rest of her life. A dog’s life she was saving in Chevy’s memory, with the hummingbirds as the sign it was what she needed to do. Baby had not had an easy life up to this point but Lisa would to change that, along with all of us. We all were in this together, and we all felt a love that connected us through this one senior dog that would forever create a warm bond between women.

When Madeline heard that Lisa was  going to adopt Baby, all of us went into action. My friend Jo had offered to meet Madeline in central Florida and drive Baby to Kentucky. Marlene had friends who did pet transport and was checking on that angle. Meanwhile Baby had to be checked out by a veterinarian and my friends Kathy, Madeline and Marlene took her to the vet.11075068_10206163162735462_1383147525_n Poor Baby had many health problems from living outside on cold concrete all of her life. She had hot spots on her feet, she was callused on her legs, she was underweight.  The need of antibiotics along with tender loving care which had never been provided to her in her life was just a start. She was grateful, as she had left dreadful conditions and was given comfort for once in her life. Madeline continued to worry over the long trip to Kentucky and if Baby could adapt and withstand such a long journey. Lisa was on hold about getting Baby to her house as  the logistics were discussed. Jo wanted to drive and would have, but Marlene and Madeline decided to use a pet transport that both thought was reputable because they had used this man before. Well, poor Baby had another disagreeable experience with the use of this transport called  pet48llc,  the owner Bill Timmons in Ft. Pierce, Florida. He offers what sounds like a good package but when it came down to the actual transport Baby went though hell. Marlene and Madeline were told that Baby would leave on Friday morning of Good Friday, and be at Lisa’s home on Easter Sunday. What a wonderful gift for both Baby and Lisa, to arrive on  Easter Sunday! We all were on pins and needles when she left with Bill on Good Friday to go to Lisa in Kentucky, although he already was behind schedule because he left mid-day. Baby was clean, on antibiotics and had a new special blanket for her ride of three days. She had a new collar and leash in girly colors. She had spent a couple of days with Madeline being pampered. Baby had never known this kind of love in her life. She ended up with what she was used to, indifference. She suffered this drive with her stoic nature, and gentle spirit. It took over 80 plus hours for Baby to arrive in Kentucky to Lisa’s awaiting arms. 11125400_10206226250672621_305797601_nThe 6 of us were on Facebook all hours of the day watching as the drive that was to end with Baby in Kentucky on Easter Sunday, turned into a nightmare of many stops and a lot of lies from Bill. He went this way and that. Posting maps on his page that made no sense. He stopped to see his brother, a recreational stop not included in the plans he told them about. He was over 25 hours late to Lisa’s house! We were all were crying with sadness for poor Baby. She was in a crate way to small for her size, which he said was a crate for Great Dane …. it was not. This crate was against the hatchback of his car and she had no view nor circulation. She was in that crate for the entire time, along with some other dogs squeezed into the back o f his SUV. The only time she was out of the crate was for bathroom stops which Bill complained he had to take too many stops and this was why he was 25 hours late. He said posting a few photos on Facebook was causing him to get behind schedule. We were frantic and Marlene was super worried and finally called him to get a hotel which the girls would pay for. He declined and said he would sleep in his car. My assumption is that those dogs never left the crate at all, and he had the floors of the crates covered with mulch because these dogs did not have enough stops to use the bathroom, so they went in the crates. When Baby finally made it to Kentucky Lisa was frantic with worry. Baby was so happy to see her, and didn’t know what to do first, use the bathroom, or into her arms. It was like a meeting of soul mates, Baby knew she was home. Lisa had so much ready for her to be comfortable on the drive to her house in Kentucky. Her back seat  down with the blanket that Madeline had bought for her on the floor. Baby finally got to use the blanket after 80 hours in a small crate, Baby was comfortable and ready to begin her new life.

The next chapter of this journey was encouraging as Lisa brought Baby to her vet and was told Baby was strong, in good health and could live a lot longer. The only thing the vet said was a problem was a slight cough which she was given medication for. However, Baby started to become whiny and needed to go to the bathroom all the time at night. Poor Lisa was not getting any sleep. Baby was in distress and Lisa did not know why. She brought Baby to the vet again and Baby has some health problems that were not picked up by the vet in Florida nor the first vet Lisa saw. She has an enlarged heart and a tumor that is pushing against her trachea. Lisa broke down sobbing when she heard this sad news. She vowed to do everything to give Baby the best care she could. Baby’s breathing is labored. Lisa has many medications to give her, but she is fine with this as she knew when she adopted a senior dog this was to be expected. Bear her dog that was Chevy’s companion is slowly accepting Baby and they wander the farm all day chasing squirrels and birds. Even though Baby has health problems she is playing for the first time in her life. Baby has freedom now on Lisa’s farm for the first time in her life. All of us have been in contact daily since Baby arrived to be with Lisa. Lisa is doing a good job of handling the pressure she is under caring for a senior dog with health problems. Baby is living her life one day at a time, enjoying the sunshine and space she never had on that concrete patio. We all pray for Baby and Lisa to have more years together, as Baby will be managed with medication which Lisa is so graciously paying for without a complaint. Lisa had Chevy who had similar health problems, she feels that Baby is a gift from Chevy as they did not have enough time together on this Earth. We all enjoy the many lovely photos sent to us daily of Baby living in her new home. I will always be grateful that someone stepped in to help Baby continue life in comfort. The next time you adopt a dog please remember that an animal is for life, not to be discarded because you have to move or change your lifestyle. Baby got a second chance and for that all of us who participated in her adoption are forever grateful.

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Baby and Lisa when they first met
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Beautiful Baby

 

 

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Vet’s office

 

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Baby playing on Lisa’s farm
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Hip Hop Baby

 

 

 

I have a request for everyone. Please keep Baby and Lisa in your prayers. They have a difficult journey ahead. Lisa took on a dog with health problems and she is not complaining. She is stepping up for Baby and giving her the comfort she deserves in her twilight years. Soon the hummingbirds will arrive at Lisa’s farm in Kentucky, and Lisa can watch them knowing that Chevy sees them from his home over the Rainbow Bridge. Chevy would be proud of his Mommy Lisa because she will be looking at those hummingbirds with Baby by her side. That is a miracle for all of us. The miracle of how a hummingbird video on Villa Migelita page saved the life of an old dog. Yet I am not surprised as I have long known hummingbirds send me messages, now they have saved a life.

 

 

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Christmas Musings

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

I took a long walk in nature this morning and thought about the last four years of Christmas past. This will be my fifth Christmas without Misha my deceased daughter. My thoughts were all over the place. I thought about my granddaughter who has to live her life never knowing the free spirit that embodied my daughter, I thought about how being a survivor of a murdered child has changed me, and I thought about Christmas day. It is hard for me to enjoy a day that brought so much joy when my children were growing up. Of all the paths I have met during my lifetime, the death of my daughter is the hardest one to walk. I have survived my entire life up until this point. I have survived trauma, heartbreak, devastation. I am still going strong, working towards a new future, opening my Bed and Breakfast Villa Migelita and waking up each morning knowing that I have to live for my daughter and Amaya my granddaughter who will want to know all about her Mommy as she grows up. This Christmas my future does look bright, and I must let go of the negativity that has surrounded me for years. I spent the last five years working on justice for Misha, but I lost because of a corrupt judge and a flawed system in Louisiana. If I let this wrongdoing consume me, then the future I have worked towards will be shrouded in bitterness not happiness. I will no longer allow adversity inside my mind nor my life. This Christmas I want to enjoy the day without the terrible heartache that overtakes me during this time of year. I used to have a tree with so many presents underneath.1717_1063213746577_8020_n
This new life I embarked on when I moved to South America has made me realize those presents mean nothing. Health, well-being, our kindness and actions towards others are the most important gifts we can have and give. Christmas day means so much more than opening a present. It is a time of reflection and contemplation about the past year and what we can do to make change in our lives in a valuable way. It is a day of celebration with family and friends, appreciating the very life that God has given to us. I have many new friends here in Colombia. I plan on spending Christmas with those friends and entertaining at Villa Migelita during the holiday weeks. I have decorated Colombian style, and play Christmas music during the days. I put my parrot LuciSunsets, Luci and dogs swimming 044 on the window in my office and watch her dance to the Christmas carols. These songs bring back many memories of my life before divorce and death wiped out the joy of the season for me. Christmas was always so special at my house when my children were growing up. Christmas can be special for me again, because I will make it that way. The last Christmas I spent with Misha was such a delight, Amaya was just a baby. When I think of the past I will focus only on the wonderful memories of years gone by. There was so much positive, so much love, and Misha would be so proud today if she could see what a lovely child Amaya has turned into. 1717_1063212986558_2937_n

So how does one let go? There are many people just like me who have hurt so badly they feel they can never love again, live again, nor keep moving forward, but we do. We grasp the knowledge acquired from misfortune and use that knowledge to become better people. I have not given up on securing justice for Misha, I am just letting go. I think that is what she would want. I am not satisfied I will get my happy ending. Maybe there is no such thing and we find the truth when we leave this world and enter a new dimension. I just know that I have to move forward with an unencumbered mind. I have to let the New Year bring me the possibilities I have worked so hard for. I have to focus on the road ahead, not the road I left.

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The Real Side of Grief

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

I have thought a lot about my daughter lately. It will be 5 years in January since she died. I think about how time just goes by; and I think about what she would be doing if she was still here on this Earth. I think about the sentencing of the killer next week. I think about how hard I have worked to bring justice for the death of my daughter. I think about the corruption in Louisiana and if all the letters sent will actually help. I worry that some back door deal has taken place between the prosecution and the defense. I worry about the prosecutor and victims advocate who have never really been on board with me ever since they realized how hard I was working to get a trial for my daughter who is the victim. I think about how messed up the laws are in the USA that the defendant has more rights than the victim. If a petition had not been sent to the senator of Louisiana I still would be fighting to get a trial. That petition (in my opinion) most likely influenced the monster who killed my daughter and left her on the side of the road,46319_10201682425288406_520618800_n made him realize I was never going to let him live his life without facing punishment for killing another person. He pled ‘no contest’ to felony hit and run with serious injury or death. He has still not shown remorse nor acknowledged his guilt in my daughter’s death. I think of the toll this fight has taken on my health. I have had so many health problems since the murder. Nothing life threatening; just chronic problems that interrupt my life. I really am not a complainer and have lived with these problems and continued my life and my pursuit of justice no matter what. I have done what was necessary to bring this subhuman to a place where he is now to be sentenced. Still I worry; that worry caused me to get shingles. Shingles is keeping me away from the sentencing. I have decided that I can not travel 15 hours by airplane to make my statement to the court. Anyone who has had shingles knows the pain and danger that they bring. After much contemplation, along with seeing doctor’s about their thoughts, and many stories from kind people who follow my page Villa Migelita on Facebook I came to the only real decision there was to make. I can not go. Some might not agree, and I understand that, but it would put me in danger for more bad consequences to my health, and to others around me.

Now that I made my decision, I am a bit more at peace. I am continuing to work on getting this man sentenced to the maximum penalty through the internet, which has done well for me thus far. I wonder though has the judge made up her mind already? Has he bought his freedom? It is really strange how the victims advocate is responding to my simple requests. Actually, she has only responded a couple of times and that is to do what she always does; discourage me from what I am doing. When I sent her the sentence guidelines for what the murderer should get, she wrote me back that is not a guarantee. When I sent her the statute about how the DA can put in a motion for my video statement she wrote back she would pass it along but could not guarantee this. When I told her I wrote the judge that I could not attend due to my health problems, she wrote back I should not have written the judge. Imagine that! The person who is to be advocating for me is actually discouraging me! She actually is saying I should not exercise my right to free speech, she is discouraging me from advocating for my daughter! This is what I have been up against for almost five years now. It really does make me worry, and this is why I have shingles. I believe all my efforts might be for nothing because I think they have some sort of deal that has been in place since he pled ‘no contest’ and nothing I do will change that. So I am writing it down. I think all who read my blog and follow my page need to know what I suspect. I also want to include my Impact statement which will be to be read in court. I hope it is. Oh, and she also said to me perhaps the video will be given to the judge to view outside of the courtroom and not at sentencing. Why not at the sentencing? It is all so fishy, it is all so wrong. What is the big deal of showing a short video so that the murderer can hear my voice? The voice of her mother?

Here is my written Victim Impact statement, I tried to keep it brief so the court could not say it was too long:
“I received a call from my soon to be ex-husband around 11:30 PM the night of her murder. My daughter Mikel Cara Carson stopped to help a person she saw hit by a car. Then the defendant Christian Cvitanvich hit that car, and my daughter’s body was thrown and allegedly killed instantly. How, though, will we ever know if she actually died immediately? If the defendant had stopped and tried to help, if he had called 911 immediately, if he had done the right thing, we would have answers to these questions. When asked how I am affected, these questions come repeatedly to my mind. Did she suffer as she lay on the side of the road until the sun came up and someone called in her body? It is a torment I wish on no one. I struggle every single day with questions about that night. I struggle with the fact it took 12 hours to discover who she was and that she lay in a morgue unidentified while her baby daughter was calling for her at home. I struggle with the fact that my son has never been the same since her death and has left his once promising life of a good education to now barely getting a GED. I struggle with the anger that surrounded me after her death: the anger of my son, the anger of my ex-husband and all my daughter’s friends, the anger of the father of her daughter. I struggle with what would have been a promising life for her, taken from her in a moment. A moment when she chose to help someone. Think about that. My daughter Mikel was helping someone. She was killed while doing a good deed. Now I have moved to get away from all the horrible consequences that have resulted from that night when she was left abandoned and alone on the side of Highway I-10. As the reality of her death unfolded, I saw people I had known for many years change. They became angry, they did things they would not normally do, they took their anger out in ways that were not healthy and were destructive. My son to this day is not living the life I had hoped for him to live, nor has he agreed to counseling. My ex-husband got re-married and is now divorcing again. The father of my granddaughter is in jail, leaving my granddaughter without either parent. Me, I am rebuilding my life and living for her and what she would have experienced if she had not been taken so suddenly on that fateful night. There is not a moment I do not think of her since she was murdered. Everything I do, I do with the intent of giving my granddaughter Amaya a better life as she grows up. I worry for my granddaughter: I worry that I am the only one who tells her about her Mommy and how she grew up. I worry that Amaya will become angry as she grows older because she is without either parent now, and she has no real memories of her mother except those I give her through photos and memories. I have had counseling for her death, but still my health has suffered. I have had to wear a retainer for a year to re-adjust my jaw after grinding my teeth so badly at night while I slept. I have never had a good nights sleep since learning of her murder. I have had continuous health problems: recurring urinary tract infections, vertigo brought on by a virus that attacked my inner ear, and now that same virus attacking my body by way of shingles which has made it impossible for me to travel to this sentencing, a virus known to be only brought on by extreme stress. I believe that this stress of trying to bring justice for my daughter and her death has caused these problems. I am devastated that I can not be there in person to say this while looking at Christian Cvitanvich, who has never shown remorse for taking my daughter from so many that loved her. I want him to know her daughter will turn 7 in January and he left her motherless. Her brother will be 20, the age of Mikel when she died, and is suffering inside so much that he can not live a normal life, nor has he moved on like others would his age. Cvitanvich has left many saddened friends and relatives who still can make no sense of the needless death of a young mother who was only 20 but going to school to better herself, while also working, for her beloved daughter Amaya. I ask the court to give the maximum sentence under the guidelines described for this crime. He needs to have punishment for the crime of killing an innocent young mother who had stopped to help another human being. Why did he not do the same when he hit Mikel? Ask yourself that? He was most likely drunk. The selfishness about his future took priority over helping another human being. I wish my daughter had been selfish that night and not stopped, as she would still be alive. I wish that with all my heart. I will never be free of the terrible anxiety I get when I think “if only” she kept driving home to her precious daughter.”

The above statement is the real side of grief. Grief is not something that can get better with time, grief is with a person always. It stays, it lingers, it does not change. The only thing that changes is the person who experiences the grief. They have to make choices. They need to decide if they will grow stronger using the sadness inside of them to help others in the same situation, or if they will keep it inside and hide the sadness. They need to decide if they will fight to live a normal life, or grow depressed and withdraw from life. They need to work every single day to stay healthy and to have some sort of happiness, a happiness that is stripped from them by death. I have chosen to move forward. I am not always successful, but I am trying. This is the real side of grief.

There is still time for those who have not done so to fax a letter to the Honorable Judge Trudy White. Please be respectful and ask for the sentence to be the maximum under the guidelines. Every letter makes a difference and she has to consider them. This is the fax number: 225 389 4737.

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Connections From the Past; Do they Shape Our Destiny?

Posted on by hummingsfromparadise

“The Universe wants to be noticed” I love this quote from a book I just read. No matter how hard we try to control our lives something always steps in and changes the outcome. I believe it is the Universe and we should take notice. We often have fleeting messages in our minds that we should pay attention to. We also have instances where situations are similar to our past which bring memories back to us; again the Universe. I was not aware during all those years long gone in my younger days that my thoughts and my life connections would determine my future. We all have this ability to see the unfolding of our lives if we pay attention to those moments in our minds or in our relationships that can convey to us to change a path we are on. Think to yourself how many times you look back on a period of time and wonder ‘if only’ or ‘I should have seen that coming.’ Is it really possible that we can shape our own destiny or does our life unfold according to a pre-determined plan the day we enter this world?

When my children were born I knew they would have the best and brightest futures. I devoted myself to caring for them with all my heart. The future I envisioned was one of greatness for them both. I knew they would grow to be well-educated productive members of society. I spent many nights worrying about the schools they would attend and who they would be influenced by; I was financially able to put them in the best schools thinking this would keep them safe from the kids that could shape them negatively. Little did I know that in every school, church, synagogue, work place, summer camps, summer vacations, there are bad influences. I even know my own daughter was a bad influence to my son before she passed. So where does this leave us? As my life unfolded, so did the people who entered my life, whether through the schools, neighborhood, friendships from work, friendships through my children’s friends,the families of my ex-husbands and on and on. The list is endless.

I now believe there is nothing we can do to change the trajectory of our future, unless we listen to our inner voice and follow its direction. When we feel unease around someone we should not make that person a friend, when we feel uncomfortable with a decision we should look for an alternative, when we are unhappy in our lives we should change the situation even when it is difficult or next to impossible. I know it is not easy to make changes when you are firmly entrenched in your life, your job, your family and you do not want to hurt those loved ones around you. I know this because I chose to stay in a bad marriage, which is one of those ‘if only’ thoughts I have often. If only I had left when my kids were young, I could have avoided the tragedy that unfolded as they grew into teenagers with a husband that was not united with me on anything. If only I had not married him when I left him during our courtship, but let my father influence me to go back to him because of his profession. If only I had not stood idly by when his sister’s kid bullied Misha every chance he could and no one said or did anything except me. If only I had not let my daughter influence me to put her in another school when she was in 7th grade, she would not have met the friend that changed her in a way that made the following years so difficult for me and my relationship with Misha. If only I had more time with my children, and did not have to care for my elderly mother who had dementia and also work as a flight attendant. If only, if only, if only!

Flash forward to now. I do that ‘if only’ thing way too much. I have always had a 6th sense; my mother had it too. However, I have never acted on those random thoughts that are actually the Universe telling us to be prepared. I know this because before Misha’s death I had two very strong thoughts about her death. One was so clear that I called my best friend, and I did not act on this thought. I wish I had. I wish, I wish, I wish! Oh so many things could be different, but then again “the Universe wants to be noticed.” I have to stop all of this because I would not have my son, I would not have Amaya my beloved grandchild, I would not have Villa Migelita my wonderful new home and Bed and Breakfast in Colombia, I would not have the life I have lived and the lessons I have learned. I actually do not think that any of us can change our trajectory; I believe we have a life that is given to us at birth and how we deal with the lessons that unfold is what shapes our futures. However, I do believe our past connections are involved in our future life but even if we listen to that annoying thought that tells us we should not do something, or befriend someone, or marry someone, or act on an impulse about something, we will still have an outcome that was destined to be our life and only our life. I heard an interview recently with a clothing designer who said women are all very strong, but it takes a tragedy for them to show the strength they have laying dormant inside them. That line spoke to me. I have had tragedies before my daughter’s death, and I have shown my strength many times in my life. Now my strength is who I am, not something I show in crisis. I am strong, self reliant and a good example. I always have been; but it took my daughter’s death for me to show others who might not have thought this of me.

I recently was in Florida and spent time with my grandchild. We went to The Chesapeake Resort in Islamorada to see a friend I met through my FB page Villa Migelita. I would not have met her without a friendship I had with someone else. I am no longer friends with this person as I have learned to listen to my thoughts and feelings. However, she passed through my life to bring me to this wonderful new friend. I wrote about the connection to the mermaid painting in this blog. When I visited once again after a lovely invite from Ilona to please come down and bring Amaya, I felt that spiritual connection again. This time through Ilona’s mother who she takes care of just like I did my mother. We arrived on a Friday evening after a quick 2 hour drive and were greeted with such warmth and love. I met her mother when I was there in October of 2013 and loved her spunk, her wonderful intellect and her ability to project her thoughts and her 6th sense. Yes, Nana has a very spiritual side with a presence of love in her aura. What I found fascinating is the way Amaya wanted to spend time with Nana who is usually sitting in a recliner in a lovely room looking out at the beautiful nature of the Keys. My own mother spent her final days in a beautiful room looking out at nature also. My daughter Misha was very close with my mother, to the point that she would do her homework in the room my mother lived in, help me with my mother before it became to difficult for us to care for her by ourselves. Amaya and I had dinner with Ilona and her partner, and Amaya got up and left on her own to sit with Nana, not near Nana on the couch but with Nana in her chair. They had serious conversations, they watched a Disney movie together, Nana talked to Amaya like she was her own grandchild. I was surprised as little kids usually do not go to older people on their own, but Amaya wanted to be with her. Amaya loves Nana. I think they have a connection that I can not explain, but I had Déjà vu from my time with my own daughter and her connection to my mother. The next day as soon as Amaya woke up she asked to go to the mermaid painting. We went and she sat and contemplated that painting a long time; she is only 6 so believe me when I say she sat still for a long time! We stayed two nights at The Chesapeake Resort and the next evening had dinner again at Ilona’s personal home with her family and Nana. Again, Amaya ate and then went to be with Nana. It was extraordinary, it was delightful. I snuck near them to hear their conversation and it was all about how special Amaya was, how she was a wonderful girl, how lovely she was, what a good person she would grow to be. I was teary eyed. When we left the next morning we stopped by the house to say goodbye. Amaya ran up the stairs and went to find Nana, and Ilona told me a beautiful Finch had been circling the house for a few days, but today it was hitting the window. I saw the Finch. It was gorgeous; it rested when it saw Amaya and I in the house on the hammock situated outside on her balcony. It looked at me for a long while then it started flying around the house in circles again stopping to peer in at Amaya and Nana. I know it was Misha; she always sends birds.

Footnotes:
The Fault In Our Stars by John Green is the book I took the quote from “the Universe wants to be noticed”
The Chesapeake Resort in Islamorada is owned by my friend Ilona and I highly recommend it to anyone who visits the Keys.10421609_728019933930742_7812431481361452190_n