So often I fret about what will be my lasting impression on this world we all share and live in. My last blog was about reflections on motherhood and other things, and now I write about heritage, my legacy in life. What will I leave to others? I need to be honest, I don’t know. Maybe I will be like a painter who becomes famous for their artwork later in life. I certainly have taken chances in life. I have so much to say in my photos and words. But I can’t share many things on my blog. I will in my book someday: if I actually ever finish it. When you start to write and realize you really have to expose yourself, it is hard to tell of our mistakes of which I have many.
I Feel it Coming, I am so ready to share my words of life as I know it. My heritage, my life. It seems that so many do these days. We all have blogs, we all have a life. But do we actually share honestly? I will try to do that. I really need to do this, for all of you who follow me. I was never perfect. I was never the best mom there was. I was a pretty good mom though. I was all in with my children. So why do some parents have great children and some don’t? I have come to the conclusion that I did the best I could with the man I was married to, and he has to accept he is part of the problem that existed. Especially, when he tortured me when my daughter was murdered. Yes, he did horrible things to me that I am sure he still thinks about, along with his sister.
That being said, I will say my heritage will be Colombia. I love it here. I have days when I am sad, I have days when I am super happy. I have days. The end. Here are some photos of my life and my hikes. The hikes make me happy. Better than any words of comfort that anyone can send me. I live my life, I love my life, I just do what I need to do to survive after my daughter was murdered.
this is the monument in my pueblo to Aliens!A typical tienda …angry corner storeJAJA a discoThe sugarcane trainJust a horse on the side of the roadThe Chiva…a bus that takes everythingThe Ani BirdThe falcon CaracaraBamboo foresta seed podThe rivers herea dam
Mother’s Day is coming this weekend. I have a hard time with this day. I spend the day reflecting on the past with my children. One who is deceased the other who doesn’t really have a lot of contact with me. It makes me think what could I have done differently? I was the Mom who was always involved with their activities. But then I took care of my own mother for years who had dementia. It took a great tole on me and my children. I now think should I have kept my mother in my home? Should I have divorced sooner than later? I don’t know. But I love my memories of happy times in their lives and all the happiness they grew up with. That just left when I decided to divorce and then my daughter was murdered.
One year to the day my daughter was killed.
I reflect on this photo, and realize Misha was a reflection of me, she looked like me and was very headstrong like me. I treasure this photo. I could beat myself up over and over again because I might have changed something in our lives and maybe she would still be here. But as I grow older and I meditate daily with Yoga, I realize we all have free will. We cannot change the path of our destiny, because we can’t control others, just ourselves. Most people do not want to change, and they will never do it. Me, well I wanted change after this horrible time in my life and I have become a different person. The problems in our lives are often brought on by thinking too much and worrying too much. Once we let go, we find a solution. Maybe not immediately, maybe not for a few years, but the solution is there. We just need to look for it and we need to accept that people come and go in our lives. Even our own children.
I have discovered while living in Colombia I do not live a life full of plans. Plans here are often disrupted with the littlest things. A battery has died in the car, and you need to wait for the local mechanic to come and give you a jump, the weather changes and that walk you planned on is now going to be later in the afternoon, the party you have at 3 in the afternoon with friends turns into an all night dance fest. Or it is a beautiful day and you take off in the truck to visit a place that is beautiful, remote and in the middle of the Rainforest.
Reflections in life are usually in the moment, not in memory. I have discovered this in my time as an expat in Colombia. I reflect often, but usually I reflect on how I can make my life better, to improve, not to waste time on mistakes or others who contributed to those mistakes. It is all about being the best person you can be. I reflect on that often. I know I am not there yet. But I will be before I die. At least I will die trying.
What are the dangerous things I encounter living in Colombia? What to do if a cow escapes the fence? Or a goat approaches me while I hike? What should I do when the water is so high in the rivers? Or the rain causes a mudslide? Maybe I should really be scared when the ground shakes at 5AM! That is the most danger I encounter in Colombia. I love my simple life. I love it so much I am willing to risk the only real danger I have ever experienced while living in Colombia, tremors from Earthquakes deep inside the Earth. To be honest, I don’t know an Earthquake has happened until it is over. I guess if it was really bad, I would be crushed because it takes me, this woman from Florida awhile to comprehend. By the time I do if it was bad, I would be dead. I would die happy in my paradise.
Looking down from the road at the riverThe river from aboveA dangerous goat LOLThe expression of the cow on the rightSuch a dangerous butterfly in Colombia
I am always hiking near my Villa . I can’t give an exact amount of days per week. It depends on my hair. Yes it does. I am after all still a woman who likes my hair and nails to be perfect, even if I live in the Rainforest. Yes, I am revealing something about myself. I usually walk on days I have to wash my hair. OH, so you think why do we need to know this? Because you do. I live in the forest. I am not always interacting with others. I like being alone. I like reading, I love writing and I love my space. I really love being alone. I worked for years as a flight attendant. I don’t care if I hear a bunch of people complaining ever again!
“Worry less about what you want to be, and more about what you want to do.” – President Barack Obama in Chicago today. I love this quote because it describes me and my life to perfection. I want to be successful in my small business. But if I am not I can accept that. I want to be immersed in nature as an avid photographer. I love getting up early and going out on my own with one of my dogs to walk and photograph the beauty that surrounds me. Photography is part of me. I am part of the photos I take on my hikes. I see people and talk to them. There is no such thing as a Colombian who ignores someone they pass, whether in an office, or on the street. Even if they dislike you they acknowledge you. I find that a wonderful way to live. What is the use of hurting others? With that I share some photos of my life around and about as an avid photographer and the life I lead as an expat.
Earth day is April 22, a favorite day to me. The Earth is substantially more than just us humans. It is every little creature that surrounds us to bring our ecosystem in sync. Look at my cover photo carefully. You will see the tiniest little wasp.
The arrow points out the tiny wasp on the Canna Lily
Without bees, wasps and all insects we would not have flowers. We would not have pollination, we would not be alive on Earth. So when any of us use products from Monsanto, or any poisons we are killing the Earth. We are destroying the planet for future generations. These little insects that bother us are very important links to the salvation of the Earth. They are an important part of the chain of events that allow us to live on the planet Earth with water, air and food.
So when I take my photos of nature I always keep in mind that all of nature is intertwined. We humans are not superior to any animal or plant that lives in this Universe. Remember that when you see the ice melting, the water being polluted, and the fish dying in the oceans. We humans are the murderers. We are killing this planet with greed to make money. We are the ones who can stop this before it is too late.
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