Posted in child death, Devastating sadness, Disappointment, expat life, freedom, Grief, parents of deceased children, sadness, Uncategorized

Disappointment

Devastation is part of my life. Like a dark cloud that follows me with too many downpours. The thunderous clouds roll in, then the lightening strikes with such intensity I fall to the ground inside my brain. I cannot function. My already shattered heart breaks into smaller pieces. I silently look at the sky, the sun peaks out a bit and for a moment I feel hope. Then I remember I’ve lost another part of myself. I know the sun is behind those clouds and will appear again but it is not certain it will stay. I’ve learned to live my life with these painful moments.

Recently, I found love or so I thought. I came to the United States to see my boyfriend. I came to see him with the thought this will be fun going back and forth to Colombia because I could see my granddaughter more often. What I didn’t expect was the situation that occurred immediately with my granddaughter. I was denied visitation and my right to see her. It was devastating. I’m taking care of the situation but to be in town and not have her to enjoy and participate in my activities made me very sad. Not stressed out, but  grief-stricken. I felt the same way I did when Misha was murdered. I had a day of  weeping sadness. Yet, no one was murdered I just might never see my granddaughter again.

One day. Think about that, one day of normal human emotion.

So here is the reason I was dumped. I’m never going to be able to come to the United States and be happy. Really? I’ve learned long ago to accept situations that are without reason. Mean people who don’t want me to find out things that are happening, things that are most likely illegal. I have a boyfriend in the United States and suddenly I will be there more. I’m denied my rights to see my granddaughter.

Imagine my surprise when he dumped me. The man who said I’m amazing for what I’ve accomplished through all of  this adversity. One day of  natural behavior and he can’t be with me. I’m never going to be happy when I visit the USA. It’s not about what I have or don’t have. It’s about being sad. That was it. He said I’m always going to live here, you will live there. Yes that is true. I was blindsided by what happened with my granddaughter. She is the only part left of my deceased daughter.

That is all it took, one day of sadness.

So, I am going back to my paradise and to my peaceful existence in Colombia. I’m done with him. I don’t give second chances at my age. I’m in good hands with a lawyer I highly recommend. Howard Friedman of Ft. Lauderdale. He is going to take care of this situation once and for all. I’m heartbroken not to have my Amaya, but I’m in good hands. And that guy, he is history.

 

 

 

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Posted in Alternative Lifestyle, Awakening, chaos, Colombia, Colombian life, country living, entrepeneur, expat life, freedom, happiness, hotel, minimalism, mother nature, nature, parents of deceased children, Spiritual Presence, strength, Uncategorized

Life Can be a Little Twisted

Michele with twisted tree.
Me in front of twisted tree branches

Just like the branches of these raspberries growing in the wild, or me in front of this tree with extensions that are contorted, life has so many connections that intertwine. I have found that these connections do not happen by accident. Especially with my new love.  How much my life has been changing since I met Avi that fateful night on my cruise to the Bahamas. I know all who follow my blog know I believe in the Universe directing our life paths. Now if only others can follow their life paths and know when something happens that is good, they should embrace it and use the opportunity to better themselves. I find myself getting so stressed when I return to the United States. It is hectic, it is full of people who want to cause harm to others for no reason, including me. I am going to try to come over more often because of my new love. I have made it clear I do not want to live in the United States full-time ever again. I do not like it there anymore.

Why? Because the people are mean, they are without any kind of patience, they do things I do not understand. I live so peacefully. I have no quarrels with anyone here in Colombia. I enjoy my guests, I enjoy my animals, I enjoy the nature surrounding me. I have my routine. I like it. When I come to Florida all gets twisted. I don’t desire this nor want it. I want to live in peace with those I love. I wish others could learn to live peacefully. Maybe a visit to Villa Migelita Ecolodge and Colombia could help? I know living the way I do has left me with very little patience for those who seek to harm others.

michele in hammock

Hammocks or hamacas in Spanish is a way to ground myself. I just look up at the sky and meditate. I talk to the Universe. I find a lot of answers. Now I am waiting for answers to what I always try to do. Help. When I see wrong I will not let it go.