Posted in Colombia, Colombian healthcare, exercise, expat life, Healthcare in Colombia, hiking, hip surgery, Journal of surgery for hips, strength, Uncategorized, Waiting

Countdown to Surgery

Habits of a lifetime are part of our make up as a person. As my surgery is getting closer I find myself worrying about the outcome. I can’t imagine not being able to hike anymore, or ride my bike, do Yoga and exercise like I have all of my adult life. So I have been reading a lot about the procedure and it seems that I should feel a reduction in pain immediately after my surgery. Reading this group study has helped but I am still very worried about everything, including that I will be the same as I always was before when the surgery and rehabilitation are completed. I am writing questions down as I think of them for my meeting with the surgeon this week. This blog is part serious and part funny. One of my questions is can I bring cute pajamas to wear and not those horrible hospital robes where the naked butt shows?After reading the above article I am not certain if I will be put to sleep or just have my hips numbed. I will ask this of the doctors  because  I also will see an anesthesiologist who will evaluate my health. I am not sure why I have to stay in the hospital three days, because it would probably be outpatient in the USA. However, when I asked at my first meeting with my surgeon he did say I am having both hips done, and they remove a bony obstruction on both sides. He is very famous for this procedure and when I visit his office I see many people with crutches. They all look healthy and happy so I am just trying to accept my situation. Hopefully, when I am the person in the waiting room, I will look happy too.

Part of this situation is that there is not one pill that relieves the pain I feel. Nothing works. I am just living in pain. I have found one solution for the night. I have said many times that cannabis is legal here in the home. I can even grow up to 20 plants if wanted to. I don’t want to. Cannabis is so inexpensive and I have found that all pharmaceuticals I have taken for my various back and neck problems from being a flight attendant are no longer needed. I started using cannabis oil  under my tongue a few days ago. It is strong, and it works for the night pain. However, I would not consider it for daytime, except when I am on bed rest for ten days. Then maybe I will use it.  I do smoke a little weed at around 6 pm in a pipe. I have done this for a little while for pain also, but not much and only if I am not going anywhere.

Now on to the funniest part of this admission about the use of weed for pain management. Yesterday I bought the weed oil for the outside of the body to rub on my hips from the natural medicine store. It smells like Vicks Vaporub ointment. I have used it three times today and I have noticed my pain is better. The smell to me is awful. My mother used Vicks when she was old for everything! I don’t like the smell, and it reminds me of nursing homes.

So I am not going to get any mosquito bites before my surgery, I am going to be able to breathe very well at night because you know that Vicks is great for respiration, and hopefully I will get a bit more relief from the pain.

Advertisements
Posted in Colombian healthcare, exercise, Healthcare in Colombia, hiking, hip surgery, Journal of surgery for hips, Uncategorized, Villa Migelita Ecolodge

Oh These Hips!

I have a severe hip problem that just showed up about 8 months ago, and now I am having surgery on both of my hips. Surgery meant for someone 14 years old. Yes you are reading that right, I have a condition found mostly in young adult women. This is an article on my condition, which can be translated to English. I am going to keep everyone updated throughout the time leading up to the surgery and after the surgery with journal blogs. As everyone knows I moved to Colombia because of the health insurance they offer here, I have two types of insurance. One is Prepagada or prepaid and the other is called EPS and this is what most Colombians have. By having both I am covered for just about anything, including having my housekeeper stay with me in the hospital. I am covered for an ambulance to pick me up and bring me home from the hospital also. Health insurance is affordable here and high quality. I am staying at this hospital complex in Cali, Colombia called Imbanaco. The best hospital in Cali, Colombia and I have been told the rooms are really nice like suites in hotels.

Exercise saved me when my daughter was murdered, exercise is something I plan my day around. Especially Yoga, I love Yoga.  Exercise has been a habit that has been part of my life since I was a young woman. I even taught exercise class throughout my pregnancy with Misha my deceased daughter.

Michele jane fonda
Back in the Jane Fonda days.

I took to Yoga after a customer at Villa Migelita Ecolodge showed me how wonderful it is for the body and mind. I also like walking through the mountains around my Villa taking nature photography. I actually thought I had injured my hips through Yoga because the pain started in one hip and then it went to both hips. I have been assured by my doctors Yoga had nothing to do with this condition CAM and I just developed it and it can just come on like it did.

So far it has been an easy process of getting the tests needed and making the appointments before the surgery that I need. Just like in the United States I will be seeing my surgeon and the anesthesiologist next week. I already had my blood work done, and I was told to write down any questions for my time with the surgeon before the actual surgery date of August 22. My surgeon is one of three doctors who perform this surgery here in Colombia. I am lucky he is in Cali, because the other two doctors are in Bogotá. I have been told by all doctors my surgery is a rare type of CAM and that not many doctors do this surgery in all the world. My surgeon has a 96% percent success rate. I am sure that I will be fine, but I worry about after the surgery because he wants me to do therapy in Cali and it is an 1 1/2 hours from my Villa. His secretary told me he has special therapy and needs it to be done in the hospital I have the surgery at. So I will be figuring that out. I am a bit worried about how I will get to and from Cali, and am hoping I can get an ambulance to take me to this therapy also. I do know I will be on complete bed rest for around 10 days before I begin my therapy.

I have already had a call checking on me to make sure I was getting my blood exams, and making sure I am doing well. I have noticed that my hip pain has progressed and I am happy to be having the surgery soon. I am doing my Yoga as much as possible until the actual date because I will miss it when I am healing. That will be one of my questions: “Will I still be able to do Yoga after my healing process and therapy is over?” Right now I have to limit certain positions because they cause me pain, but I am able to adapt. However, walking is not easy for me and leaves me with radiating pain. So I have been only doing walking to short distances.

The waterfall cover photo is one of my favorite adventure travel options offered here at Villa Migelita Ecolodge and I will keep looking at a photo I have on the wall of my Villa of this beautiful place as inspiration while I get better. I love taking my tourists on this experience, and thank goodness I have people who work with me so I can still run my hotel as usual. I just won’t be able to participate for a bit. As for now, I am trying to organize everything perfectly because I don’t think I will be able to drive for a few weeks.

I will write more after I visit my surgeon next week. One thing I am doing is eating a lot. I am trying to put on a bit of weight because I know myself and I will lose weight after the surgery if I am in pain and not sleeping well. I am eating very healthy and Jazmine made me rice pudding last night from real cows milk. Oh so delicious! There is nothing like the milk from a cow, we do boil it for pasteurization, but the creamy deliciousness of arroz con leche is wonderful. It reminded me of my mother because that was her favorite dessert.

I want everyone to see the how wonderful the healthcare is here in Colombia, and to follow my journey. The United States could offer options like I have here in Colombia. Perhaps, reading my journey will be enlightening to many who do not have the option of a job that supplies health insurance, or the money to afford the best in the United States.

 

Posted in Awakening, Colombia, Colombian life, Entreprenuer, expat life, friendship, hip surgery, Spanish speaking, strength, Uncategorized

Struggling Still

Many people have no idea how I have struggled to live in my Paradise here in Colombia. I believe that I am meant to be here, but it has not been easy. I came with someone I totally trusted and had known for quite a long time before I made my decision to move to another country. He turned out to be an awful person. I wrote an essay about my conflicts and was given great feedback on it by a prestigious magazine. They encouraged me to submit the essay elsewhere as it was not right for their magazine, but I am using it as an outline for my book. I have started writing chapters and I am also continuing on with my blog, and how my past has intertwined with my present life. My last guest brought front and center what happened to me and why I am behind in actually speaking Spanish.

This latest guest here at Villa Migelita Ecolodge is a really wonderful person, so wise  and a really commendable Spanish speaker. She wanted to get better at conversational Spanish and to talk with locals while enjoying the nature and beauty of Colombia. A world traveler, she has been all over the world to places I have never heard of. What a pleasure to have her at my Villa for two weeks. She made me realize my Spanish needs drastic improvement. One of the reasons my Spanish is not so great is because my immersion was not what it should have been for many years due to the person I moved here with. He became different when he returned to Colombia, and I found myself quite isolated much of the time. It was interesting because my guest noticed I understood quite well and had a good vocabulary, but I have trouble with tenses and putting sentences together correctly. I have never had real formal study and she has done formal study and has many Spanish-speaking friends in the United States. Fortunately for her I am never the teacher in my Spanish lesson classes. We do speak Spanish all day because my contratista only speaks Spanish, and so do all of the people who are my friends. I have just learned through computer programs and speaking with those I am surrounded by now. I have improved drastically since that person who I came here with is gone. I am independent and do everything with Jazmine, who works with me now. We only speak Spanish. However, after Susan came I knew I need more, and I set out to accomplish just that when she left. She also inspired me in another way. She had a knee replacement 6 months ago and is still in a lot of pain. Even with the pain she exercised and did so much even though it was hard for her. She walked to the top of Nirvana the natural reserve with me and it is not an easy climb.

Barrenquero 004
The green and blue of the Barranquero bird which we saw on our walk to the top of Nirvana Reserve in La Buitrera

Many of you know I am getting hip surgery soon. I have not wanted to think about the surgery or the therapy needed because I am an avid exerciser. She is too. I have many guests come to visit, and I make friends with all but I feel she was a miracle sent to me to help me deal with this surgery that is upcoming, and to inspire me to get better at my actual Spanish-speaking. As many of you know, when I make up my mind to do something I get right to work at doing what I feel is necessary. I mean if Susan can ride on a motorcycle when she just had knee replacement then I can get my mind made up to conquer the dread I have been feeling about the hip surgery.

Susan on moto
An inspiration to me and now a good friend

The day after she left the perfect opportunity presented itself to me. My dear friend and partner of my hair stylist was at the salon I go to here in Colombia. He can speak some English and wants to learn to speak correctly, I can speak some Spanish and want to learn correctly. We made a deal. He will be coming twice a week and we will be working together to help each other. He will speak conversational English to me and I will correct him, and I will speak conversational Spanish to him and he will also do the same. It is a win/win situation. I am starting this afternoon. I can’t wait. As for Jazmine, she is also no longer going to let me say things wrong, she is also correcting me and she will be joining us for our two times a week to learn English.

I know everyone who follows my blog understands that I do believe the Universe provides us with what we need. This is another example of this. I was worried about my surgery and now I have a date, I have all the information I need and I am also telling my bi-lingual friends to speak Spanish with me and to correct me. It is not an easy process. However, I will be bedridden after my surgery and will have much time on my hands. I will use it to continue writing my book and elaborate on the struggles I have had here, learning Spanish, having to learn to navigate my life in a new country while not speaking Spanish correctly, but overcoming everything to live the best life I can live.

I have to mention that the surgery would have been incredibly expensive in the United States and I still believe the Universe directed me to live in Colombia, although it has not been an easy process. This doctor being only one of three in Colombia who actually performs the surgery I am having. That in and of itself makes me realize I am exactly where I should be living. Now to get on with my life, a life that is incredibly peaceful, even with the difficulties I have had. Opportunities present themselves to us and we need to use these opportunities to make our lives better if we can.

Susan came and visited and her influence on much in my mind was wonderful. I didn’t realize it, but I needed someone to just talk with. I will probably never see her again but I know we will remain in touch. I feel really blessed to have the good fortune to have people like her visit, and to have done what I have here in Colombia. It is not always perfect, but I doubt it would be perfect if I had stayed in the USA. Life is interesting here, I am determined to conquer my last phase of Spanish speaking, as I can read it pretty well, understand others, and have a good vocabulary. Now I just need to put it all together. I will, just like I will write the book I hope will explain much about why I live in Colombia.

When I start my journey with my hip surgery I will keep everyone updated with regular blogs on my recovery. I am sure it will be interesting because I have never had a surgery that has required me to stay in the hospital overnight. So look for my next blogs to be kind of a journal of my time in the hospital and the road to recovery.

 

 

Posted in child death, Colombia, Devastating sadness, Disappointment, family, Grief, life lessons, love, Nature Symbolism, parents of deceased children, Spiritual Presence, Uncategorized

A Dream

The cover photo is Villa Migelita Ecolodge the very first time I visited. I had been looking at many properties and I knew immediately when I saw this Villa it was the place I had been waiting to find.

villa-migelita-072
This photo was also taken on my first visit, look at the Orb. Misha is with me here. She is in a parallel universe, but she shows up sometimes and I cannot ignore the signs. A definite angel in the light of my photo.

I loved the Italian style look of this old Villa, I loved the wildness and the mountain views. I wanted to live in a climate that had no need for air conditioning. I enjoy the tranquility of my Villa which is now a legal hotel in the rain forest of Colombia. I could see it was just in need of some loving attention. Butterfly video and photos 008

The American and Colombian flags fly high

Today Misha would be 29 years old. Yesterday I went to where she is buried in her special garden to talk to her. I don’t do this often because I see her special resting area all the time, and I feel her presence. Today, I felt her drawing me to the garden where a simple angel marks her resting place. The angel was turned on its side. I sat it upright and thought she wanted me to do this. She is around me in her soul presence. When I feel especially sad she sends me a hummingbird, and always the same kind. She sent one on Friday. It is the Long billed hermit hummingbird of Colombia. My housekeeper called me because she found it in my office. Always they enter my office, and always the same species. Misha knows this is my place to write and to watch all of my hummingbirds. The interesting part is this species do not ever use the feeders, I rarely see them from the window of my office: except one comes almost every morning and looks at me through the window for a moment and leaves.

I recently wrote a blog about a time when Misha and I were having problems. All these times seem so long ago. But they exist and need to be written down so that many who were cruel to me during the time of her death know how cruel they actually were. I am writing for my healing.  It is not true that one gets over a death of a beloved person as years pass. It is also not the truth that even if the person who has died did horrible things to you, your love didn’t exist. What is true is you feel confusion about the grief you carry inside for the rest of your life. I still have my memories of all the wonderful times from my life with her, but I have awful memories too. That is why I’m writing these blogs in preparation for the book that I’m writing simultaneously. I want to be clear about how a child that took me to the depths of despair was also one who took me to the heights of love.

Recently I had a dream where she came to me. It has been so long since this has happened. I was back in time, the time when I was preparing for my move to Colombia. I was in her room, and I was boxing things and they were from many years of redecorating her room. Remember, this is a dream and actually the room had been empty of her personal possessions for a long time, but in my dream it was the way her room looked the last time it had been redecorated. I felt deep and unrelenting sadness as I picked up items that brought memories with them. I could see the colors of sheets, the stripes in these floor cushions she had, the curtains that covered her closet. It was all so detailed. Then she appeared and was just watching. Tears were falling from her eyes, and we made eye contact. Her hair was blond like in high school. She gave me her lips together half-smile as the tears fell. Then the tears became snowflakes frozen on her face and I woke up.

As I lay in the darkness on my bed I tried to go back to sleep and to the dream, just to see her again. I wanted to understand why the snowflakes? I understood the tears, as I had them falling down my face when I awoke. She feels badly about how she left this world and me. We had a love that transcended the bad times, a love that was flawed but real. A love that no one can take from me with gossip or lies about the actual reality of our relationship. The reality she knew and the truth of the last years of her life when she changed so dramatically.

The significance of this dream is something I will never know, but I realize she is sad for me. She is also in my sphere of the Universe still. This dream makes me realize that my dream of having a hotel and continuing on with my life as best I can is the best way to deal with such deep rooted memories of another lifetime. A situation I carry inside me. Until I write everything down, I will feel incomplete.

Maybe the snowflakes mean she is frozen in time, somewhat like myself. Even though I have accomplished so much, I continue to transmit to those around me, pieces of myself that Misha shattered and left me to deal with. By writing this on the day she was born 29 years ago, I am committing myself to telling the truth, the good and the bad. The joy that I felt  that day when she entered this world was transcendent, the sadness I felt when she left this world was transcendent.

Her birthday holds more significance than her death day, because she had the world and life before her. She made wrong choices as she grew into her teen years. She left me alone to deal with all of it after she was killed. My way of getting on with my life is certainly controversial to some, and maybe to others quite impressive. Whatever may be in anyone’s minds is not of importance to me. What is important is that Misha didn’t have the chance to grow into the woman she should have become and live her life as a mother, sister, and a daughter. With that I wish her a Happy Birthday and can only hope she is still actually with me, because she came to me in a dream.