Sometimes, when I look at this ring, my heart hurts, but I feel joy from those same memories on other days. It is the ring I gave Misha when she was four years old with her birthstone, a garnet, and tiny diamond chips. I remember her delight in having a ‘big girl ring’ and how much she loved it. I found it in a jewelry box left behind after her death. I was surprised it fit my finger, yet my mom had tiny hands, and I do too.
From this same jewelry box are gold earrings that I wear with hearts. I feel closer to her when I have something of hers touching my skin now that she is gone. She had a lot of beautiful jewelry that went missing after her death. Her roommates took her things. It caused me distress because I knew that it was a robbery. I had one say to me that she has the cross that was given to her at her first communion, again with the same birthstones, and I have seen photos of her wearing it. I was so broken at the time of her death I didn’t fight for her things and accepted these thefts. But now I wish I had them to give to my granddaughter; her baby was two years old when she died.
Amaya is 16 now. I wish a lot of things for her. I wish I had the wedding dress I married Misha’s father in. I wish I had saved more of my designer clothes for Amaya. I wish I had the christening gown I gave Misha when she was pregnant. I bought it in Ireland. These things are gone, and I don’t know where.
My mother was so good at saving things for me. I have my old Barbies and even a Skipper and Ken doll. They are worn from use as I let everyone play with them through the years. I have albums of pictures in the basement, yet I have not looked at them for years. I want to organize them, but the hurt comes back, and I suppress it by not sorting through everything. Someday I will. I know that I have a lot to say, and I need to put all of my blogs together into a book.
Old things bring back memories, and memories bring back sadness, which causes me to stifle my feelings. I know I will someday sit here and write everything down—every feeling, every memory, all of my simple thoughts, my complicated thoughts—everything. It will be cathartic. It will be an autobiography and a memorial, all in one book. It will be years of my life coming together, represented by many old things that are left behind.
Mother’s Day brings me to a dark place where I feel incomplete because Misha isn’t here. I will start putting all of my blogs together soon. I will have a name for my book: She Left to Begin Again. I will describe how I have found peace in Colombia while telling my and Misha’s stories together. I promise that is on my agenda. While I am wearing her old things, I wish she was still here with me.
Sometimes, when I look at this ring, my heart hurts, but I feel joy from those same memories on other days. It is the ring I gave Misha when she was four years old with her birthstone, a garnet, and tiny diamond chips. I remember her delight in having a ‘big girl ring’ and how much she loved it. I found it in a jewelry box left behind after her death. I was surprised it fit my finger, yet my mom had tiny hands, and I do too.
From this same jewelry box are gold earrings that I wear with hearts. I feel closer to her when I have something of hers touching my skin now that she is gone. She had a lot of beautiful jewelry that went missing after her death. Her roommates took her things. It caused me distress because I knew that it was a robbery. I had one say to me that she has the cross that was given to her at her first communion, again with the same birthstones, and I have seen photos of her wearing it. I was so broken at the time of her death I didn’t fight for her things and accepted these thefts. But now I wish I had them to give to my granddaughter; her baby was two years old when she died.
Amaya is 16 now. I wish a lot of things for her. I wish I had the wedding dress I married Misha’s father in. I wish I had saved more of my designer clothes for Amaya. I wish I had the christening gown I gave Misha when she was pregnant. I bought it in Ireland. These things are gone, and I don’t know where.
My mother was so good at saving things for me. I have my old Barbies and even a Skipper and Ken doll. They are worn from use as I let everyone play with them through the years. I have albums of pictures in the basement, yet I have not looked at them for years. I want to organize them, but the hurt comes back, and I suppress it by not sorting through everything. Someday I will. I know that I have a lot to say, and I need to put all of my blogs together into a book.
Old things bring back memories, and memories bring back sadness, which causes me to stifle my feelings. I know I will someday sit here and write everything down—every feeling, every memory, all of my simple thoughts, my complicated thoughts—everything. It will be cathartic. It will be an autobiography and a memorial, all in one book. It will be years of my life coming together, represented by many old things that are left behind.
Mother’s Day brings me to a dark place where I feel incomplete because Misha isn’t here. I will start putting all of my blogs together soon. I will have a name for my book: She Left to Begin Again. I will describe how I have found peace in Colombia while telling my and Misha’s stories together. I promise that is on my agenda. While I am wearing her old things, I wish she was still here with me.
I have been trying to sit down and write a blog since December about the highlights of the year 2023. I haven’t had the time, as my business has never been so busy as in the past year. It is a blessing and a curse. I have no time to relax and do what I love the most: writing. My business is officially big here in Colombia. I am featured on Google as number one in the Valle del Cauca when you google Glamping or hotels; I never advertise except by my own reels featured on my Instagram, TikTok*, and Facebook* stories. Yet I keep climbing the Google algorithms. I say this with the utmost awe. I never saw this happening when I expanded my business in 2022 and opened my two Glamping cabins.
Many guests return to my place more than once and I have made some close friends. A young couple, Kevin and Katherine, have become my Colombian family. We spent Christmas together. My son had to be in the United States during Christmastime, and spending the holiday with Kath and Kevin was comforting as I missed my son CJ so much. We played games, cooked, relaxed, and relished this special time of year. My friend Vince, a pilot for Copa, returned with his family for a second time. He brought me an Argentinian wine that was super! Another friend, Omer, returned after the New Year and brought his parents from Amsterdam. We started a tournament with the game Rumicube. I do love to play games. Memories of times in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee return to me when I play board games. Colombians are big on playing games, and I have many to choose from at my Glamping place. My best friend in Colombia, Alvaro, came over with his American family and a beautiful gift of hanging solar lights hummingbirds! I have solar twinkling lights all over my property that light up at night. This gift is unique, and I can remember my dear friends every night when I enjoy it. Another lovely guest made a catalog of ten pages about my business. It has all the information necessary for anyone who makes a reservation at my place. I send the link when someone has questions; it saves me so much time! Other guests often share ideas I should have thought of myself and didn’t. I now have little mini bars and snacks in the two cabanas. People can use the beers, soft drinks, and snacks and pay when they check out. You would think I would have known to do this as I spent so much time in hotels as a flight attendant!
Last year, we had a definite change in the climate at my Glamping business here in Colombia. It rained so much in 2022 that we thought we would never see the sun again. The new year brought the sun to us here in the Andes Mountains, so much sun that we forgot we did not have it the year before. We were grateful when it rained! My Avacodo tree made fruit, and flowers bloomed that I didn’t know I had. The distinct temperature change continues into this new year of 2024 and is quite shocking. I even see mangoes grow on my mango trees. The temperature consistently averaged around 74 degrees during the day, and now it averages 80 degrees here. In direct sunlight, it can actually feel hot. Because of this shift in temperature, I made changes around my property. More areas give shade, including a new roof over my big patio area with games, lounge chairs, and a hammock. I am constantly updating my place with improvements. I just finished a new walkway and revised some of my gardens. I organized my laundry area, updated my outdoor kitchen, and added a beautiful firepit that my guests love to grill and cook San Cocho, a favorite Colombian meal. The climate makes no difference to the bookings at my retreat. People love nature, and they love the beautiful sounds of the birds sharing the rustling breeze and the cool temperatures at night. Not to mention the incredible views of the mountains and the Valle del Cauca seen from every angle here.
Now, for the most fantastic news: I am featured in a docuseries by international Award-Winning Author, Filmmaker, and Empowerment Specialist Toneal M. Jackson* called “I Survived it ALL.” I am one of the women who share their story in the Death segment. The premiere date for my part of the docuseries is March 1st. This docuseries will include stories from myself and other women about Death, Discrimination, Depression., Domestic Violence, and Devastation. The premiere date for my part of the docuseries is March 1st. When Toneal contacted me last year and asked me to participate in her documentary, I said yes. I recorded my part in April. I look forward to the premiere and trust Toneal in her artistic ability to tell my story of grief and gratitude. I will say this, it has been a long journey of healing for me. Some days I wake up and embrace my surroundings, other days I wake up and miss what could have been if Misha had not died. It is a forever part of my personality. I hope that by sharing my thoughts in this docuseries I will help others who have lost a child, grandchild, family member, friend suddenly and without warning. It is something I have accepted and live with day to day. I do the best I can to live my best life while honoring the memory of Misha. I know she would love that I have shared my journey on film and a rememberance of her. The title is so apt because anyone who has lost a loved one knows to keep living is to be a survivor. Feel free to share your own experiences with grief in the comments below. I would love to hear how you have overcome the obstacles that you faced.
If you would like to buy a ticket for any of the series the schedule is on the photo below. I can get a ticket for you, and you don’t have to go to Chicago. I will have a private link on YouTube for anyone who wants to see my survival story, or any of the others that are offered. Please contact me here or on any of my social media sites below.
Facebook: @Michele Huffman Carson or Glamping at Villa Migelita Ecolodge, Colombia
TikTok: @villamigelitacristalcasa
Instagram: @villamigelita-cristalhouse
LinkedIn: @Michele Carson
You can follow Toneal on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.
@MyNameIsToneal
Booking.com awards
Kath and KevinAlvaro and familyThe docuseries schedule
Hummings from Paradise 