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The Tree Outside My Window

How to describe this tree? It is old , barely alive and yet it brings so much joy to my life.The tree and animal photos 012 I watch my tree as I lay in bed while the dawn arises. I watch in the afternoon when I meditate, or as the sun goes down and I get ready for bed. I see so many birds, they always stop on their journeys and rest a while in my tree. They play and they fight, they search for insects, and they always sing their songs of happiness. This tree has come to mean a lot to me. The day I found out the murderer of my daughter would face no punishment I went to my room to just stare at my tree. I needed peace. I needed to be taken away from the anger seething inside me. I needed my tree. Now I am looking at my tree as I write, trying to make sense of why this judge ignored all of your letters. She is supposed to consider them, but she gave the least possible sentence she could to this murderer instead. I am still trying to process this lack of justice, so I go to my tree. I watch my birds land and take off, wishing I could soar with them for a while.

I had many people try to talk me into taking this tree down when I repaired my lake. I understood: this is an old avocado tree, never to produce again, and barely alive. It still has roots that interfere with the wall that surrounds the lake, but I had to say “NO way!” It is the tree of life at Villa Migelita. It is the resting place for all the birds that pass by. This tree is my sanctuary and my place of peace as well as theirs. How could I ever take it down? There are many trees so close by, beautiful pines, banana trees, heliconia, a beautiful lake with flowering plants right there; but they go to this half dead tree, the birds of Villa Migelita. There are so many species of birds who share my tree, hummingbirds,738408_575209955878408_954705281_o finches, doves, woodpeckers, tanagers, parrots, blue-black grosbeaks, red birds, blue birds, highland motmots, colorful little birds that I will never know their names, they all stop and rest, they sing or they work like this pileated woodpecker . This is my tree of life, it is the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing I look at as the day darkens into night. 217958_421454851253920_219790519_n

It is more than the birds, it is the butterflies too. They are always swirling and dancing nearby. This tree reminds me of a paintingThe tree and animal photos 015 I bought many years ago from a Colombian artist. I bought this painting when my daughter Misha was a little girl. When I first saw Villa Migelita, I thought this tree is so like the one in my painting. Look at this picture I took the day I first visited my soon to be home, it has an orb of light in it, right next to my tree.

First photo I took of Villa Migelita, you can see the light that is an orb in this picture
First photo I took of Villa Migelita, you can see the light that is an orb in this picture
I think my tree is a welcome part of this Universe, and my place to go to when I think I cannot make it through another day. I always remember that orb when I look at my tree, and I will always think it is Misha welcoming me to my future home. My tree is leaning very far to the left and every morning when I open my curtains I sometimes think it lists a bit further. I pray that it does not fall as I will lose part of myself when it is gone. Just like I lost part of myself when my daughter was murdered.

My tree is there for me always, it will not leave me unless the Universe takes it away, just like the Universe allowed this judge to give a murderer the most minimum sentence she could. Here is an email address to register a complaint about Judge Trudy White. I know she received thousands of letters which she ignored! Hopefully the Supreme Court of Louisiana will look at your letters. I ask you to just do this one thing. Let us remove Judge Trudy White from the bench because she allows criminals to walk free while the dead lay buried without justice: Share your thoughts on her record which this is just a small part of her rulings:
> Includes:
> “Lets make sure we are up to date on Judge Trudy White’s scorecard:
> 1. Kelsye Hall – 5 counts of negligent homicide – Sentenced to 2 years! (thats
about 5 months per homicide) by Judge Trudy White
> 2. Dalvin Sewell (Lengthy violent criminal history including arrest for 2nd
degree murder) – Convicted of 1st Degree Robbery which carries up to 40 years –
Sentenced to the minimum 3 years by Judge Trudy White.
> 3. Princess Beachem – Did cocaine while carrying a child, who died as a result
– Arrested for Feticide – Charge dropped by Judge Trudy White.
> and lets not forget:
> 4. Aramis Jackson – Arrested in 2009 for a weapons charge – Charge dropped by
Judge Trudy White. White told Jackson to perform acts of kindness. His first act
of kindness was killing Alexandra Engler and shooting her 9 year old daughter
several times before stealing their TV.”
> Judge White sentencing error: “illegally lenient sentence”
You can say you sent a letter in your complaint. She allows Christian Cvitanvich to walk out of the court with a prior DUI and thousands of letters written to her on my daughter’s behalf, and look at the links I posted!. A video that was very powerful which you can see here from me because I was so sick with shingles and could not travel. I have had new outbreaks of the shingles, nothing major, but imagine if I had traveled 15 hours to hear she let him go free, I do not want to think of my reaction and my bodies reaction! Now the next thing I ask is to copy and paste these links above to the media. Whomever you watch, send them an email. Tell them of this judge and of Louisiana, the 2nd most corrupt state in the United States. Maybe all of us together can still make a difference. I am not ready to let go yet, and I hope you are not ready to let it go. We can change things if we try. I am doing this for Misha’s daughter Amaya, I want her to always remember how much her mother was loved, and how much I want justice. It is not revenge, I want to make this clear, it is #JUSTICEFORMISHA. I would also like to see the other victims that this judge had no regard for get some much needed peace. Please help me try to remove her from the bench.

When you write the email they will send you a form to fill out. I needed to supply information for that form which I am updating for my followers. This is the Judicial Commission of Louisiana where you make complaints about a sitting judge. The case number is 03-10-0215 The case title is: The State of Louisiana vs Christian Cvitinovich. The Judge who we are making a complaint about is Judge Trudy White of The East Baton Rouge Parish. Your status: citizen. Explanation of complaint. You need only write in that you have seen the lenient sentences she gives TO GUILTY PARTIES (THE ABOVE LINKS CAN GIVE YOU ENOUGH INFORMATION TO WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS) AND THAT YOU FEEL SHE IS UN-QUALIFIED TO BE SERVING THE PEOPLE SHE REPRESENTS. My daughter is Mikel Cara Carson (google her name and you will see articles on the death) and Christian Cvitanovich killed her and admitted to it and pled to felony hit and run with serious injury or death. He had a prior DUI which if you look at the statute it says a minimum of 5 years in jail to a maximum of 20 years. He was given this sentence: 10 years suspended, 5 yrs Active Supervised Probation with 75 hrs Community Service each of those 5 years. I am sure you will agree that like the above links this is ridiculous and he literally ‘got away with murder’, as did others listed in the above links that Judge Trudy White has sentenced. Write this down on the form you get in the mail. Thank you in advance for your time in helping me. You can also call the Judicial Commission at 504 568 8299504 568 8299 and they can send you the form of complaint.

Please come and visit my page Villa Migelita on Facebook. I share a lot of my birds, animals and love of nature which has helped me in my quest for peace.

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The Real Side of Grief

I have thought a lot about my daughter lately. It will be 5 years in January since she died. I think about how time just goes by; and I think about what she would be doing if she was still here on this Earth. I think about the sentencing of the killer next week. I think about how hard I have worked to bring justice for the death of my daughter. I think about the corruption in Louisiana and if all the letters sent will actually help. I worry that some back door deal has taken place between the prosecution and the defense. I worry about the prosecutor and victims advocate who have never really been on board with me ever since they realized how hard I was working to get a trial for my daughter who is the victim. I think about how messed up the laws are in the USA that the defendant has more rights than the victim. If a petition had not been sent to the senator of Louisiana I still would be fighting to get a trial. That petition (in my opinion) most likely influenced the monster who killed my daughter and left her on the side of the road,46319_10201682425288406_520618800_n made him realize I was never going to let him live his life without facing punishment for killing another person. He pled ‘no contest’ to felony hit and run with serious injury or death. He has still not shown remorse nor acknowledged his guilt in my daughter’s death. I think of the toll this fight has taken on my health. I have had so many health problems since the murder. Nothing life threatening; just chronic problems that interrupt my life. I really am not a complainer and have lived with these problems and continued my life and my pursuit of justice no matter what. I have done what was necessary to bring this subhuman to a place where he is now to be sentenced. Still I worry; that worry caused me to get shingles. Shingles is keeping me away from the sentencing. I have decided that I can not travel 15 hours by airplane to make my statement to the court. Anyone who has had shingles knows the pain and danger that they bring. After much contemplation, along with seeing doctor’s about their thoughts, and many stories from kind people who follow my page Villa Migelita on Facebook I came to the only real decision there was to make. I can not go. Some might not agree, and I understand that, but it would put me in danger for more bad consequences to my health, and to others around me.

Now that I made my decision, I am a bit more at peace. I am continuing to work on getting this man sentenced to the maximum penalty through the internet, which has done well for me thus far. I wonder though has the judge made up her mind already? Has he bought his freedom? It is really strange how the victims advocate is responding to my simple requests. Actually, she has only responded a couple of times and that is to do what she always does; discourage me from what I am doing. When I sent her the sentence guidelines for what the murderer should get, she wrote me back that is not a guarantee. When I sent her the statute about how the DA can put in a motion for my video statement she wrote back she would pass it along but could not guarantee this. When I told her I wrote the judge that I could not attend due to my health problems, she wrote back I should not have written the judge. Imagine that! The person who is to be advocating for me is actually discouraging me! She actually is saying I should not exercise my right to free speech, she is discouraging me from advocating for my daughter! This is what I have been up against for almost five years now. It really does make me worry, and this is why I have shingles. I believe all my efforts might be for nothing because I think they have some sort of deal that has been in place since he pled ‘no contest’ and nothing I do will change that. So I am writing it down. I think all who read my blog and follow my page need to know what I suspect. I also want to include my Impact statement which will be to be read in court. I hope it is. Oh, and she also said to me perhaps the video will be given to the judge to view outside of the courtroom and not at sentencing. Why not at the sentencing? It is all so fishy, it is all so wrong. What is the big deal of showing a short video so that the murderer can hear my voice? The voice of her mother?

Here is my written Victim Impact statement, I tried to keep it brief so the court could not say it was too long:
“I received a call from my soon to be ex-husband around 11:30 PM the night of her murder. My daughter Mikel Cara Carson stopped to help a person she saw hit by a car. Then the defendant Christian Cvitanvich hit that car, and my daughter’s body was thrown and allegedly killed instantly. How, though, will we ever know if she actually died immediately? If the defendant had stopped and tried to help, if he had called 911 immediately, if he had done the right thing, we would have answers to these questions. When asked how I am affected, these questions come repeatedly to my mind. Did she suffer as she lay on the side of the road until the sun came up and someone called in her body? It is a torment I wish on no one. I struggle every single day with questions about that night. I struggle with the fact it took 12 hours to discover who she was and that she lay in a morgue unidentified while her baby daughter was calling for her at home. I struggle with the fact that my son has never been the same since her death and has left his once promising life of a good education to now barely getting a GED. I struggle with the anger that surrounded me after her death: the anger of my son, the anger of my ex-husband and all my daughter’s friends, the anger of the father of her daughter. I struggle with what would have been a promising life for her, taken from her in a moment. A moment when she chose to help someone. Think about that. My daughter Mikel was helping someone. She was killed while doing a good deed. Now I have moved to get away from all the horrible consequences that have resulted from that night when she was left abandoned and alone on the side of Highway I-10. As the reality of her death unfolded, I saw people I had known for many years change. They became angry, they did things they would not normally do, they took their anger out in ways that were not healthy and were destructive. My son to this day is not living the life I had hoped for him to live, nor has he agreed to counseling. My ex-husband got re-married and is now divorcing again. The father of my granddaughter is in jail, leaving my granddaughter without either parent. Me, I am rebuilding my life and living for her and what she would have experienced if she had not been taken so suddenly on that fateful night. There is not a moment I do not think of her since she was murdered. Everything I do, I do with the intent of giving my granddaughter Amaya a better life as she grows up. I worry for my granddaughter: I worry that I am the only one who tells her about her Mommy and how she grew up. I worry that Amaya will become angry as she grows older because she is without either parent now, and she has no real memories of her mother except those I give her through photos and memories. I have had counseling for her death, but still my health has suffered. I have had to wear a retainer for a year to re-adjust my jaw after grinding my teeth so badly at night while I slept. I have never had a good nights sleep since learning of her murder. I have had continuous health problems: recurring urinary tract infections, vertigo brought on by a virus that attacked my inner ear, and now that same virus attacking my body by way of shingles which has made it impossible for me to travel to this sentencing, a virus known to be only brought on by extreme stress. I believe that this stress of trying to bring justice for my daughter and her death has caused these problems. I am devastated that I can not be there in person to say this while looking at Christian Cvitanvich, who has never shown remorse for taking my daughter from so many that loved her. I want him to know her daughter will turn 7 in January and he left her motherless. Her brother will be 20, the age of Mikel when she died, and is suffering inside so much that he can not live a normal life, nor has he moved on like others would his age. Cvitanvich has left many saddened friends and relatives who still can make no sense of the needless death of a young mother who was only 20 but going to school to better herself, while also working, for her beloved daughter Amaya. I ask the court to give the maximum sentence under the guidelines described for this crime. He needs to have punishment for the crime of killing an innocent young mother who had stopped to help another human being. Why did he not do the same when he hit Mikel? Ask yourself that? He was most likely drunk. The selfishness about his future took priority over helping another human being. I wish my daughter had been selfish that night and not stopped, as she would still be alive. I wish that with all my heart. I will never be free of the terrible anxiety I get when I think “if only” she kept driving home to her precious daughter.”

The above statement is the real side of grief. Grief is not something that can get better with time, grief is with a person always. It stays, it lingers, it does not change. The only thing that changes is the person who experiences the grief. They have to make choices. They need to decide if they will grow stronger using the sadness inside of them to help others in the same situation, or if they will keep it inside and hide the sadness. They need to decide if they will fight to live a normal life, or grow depressed and withdraw from life. They need to work every single day to stay healthy and to have some sort of happiness, a happiness that is stripped from them by death. I have chosen to move forward. I am not always successful, but I am trying. This is the real side of grief.

There is still time for those who have not done so to fax a letter to the Honorable Judge Trudy White. Please be respectful and ask for the sentence to be the maximum under the guidelines. Every letter makes a difference and she has to consider them. This is the fax number: 225 389 4737.